First some journaling then an interesting new twist.

Last night W and I took the kids to see Santa. I think D9 knows the truth about Santa but she's milking it just in case. The whole outing seemed like an eternity. I had no ambition to DB at all. W had started the day in a crappy mood. Very short with me. Very little eye contact. I was very quiet like a whipped puppy. I tried a few times to lighten the mood but I lacked the will to keep it going. Seemed too phoney to me. When we got home W gave the kids hugs and kisses and I got a "see ya" as she went out the door.

Around 9:30 as I was finally getting the kids to bed, W called. D9 answered b/c I was trying to find S6's bed under a mound of toys. I could hear from D9's side of the convo that W was asking why I hadn't answered the phone. D9 hung up after a minute. As I tucked in D9 she said that W wanted me to call her back. D9 said W wouldn't tell her what it was about. Fifteen minutes later I called and got W's VM, left a friendly message, W never returned the call.

This AM I got a call from W (her third attempt to reach me since I was away from my desk). She sounded very sad and wanted to know if I could get away from work to talk this AM.


Here's the interesting new ingrediant in the sitch. W was upset b/c she got a letter today that says she has lost her drivers license due to too many speeding tix. So I got to listen and validate W for 90 minutes as she vented about many things:

<TG takes huge deep breath>

- Losing her license
- Her dad needs more care than her family can give but can't afford to put him in a home
- Her siblings are all bigger basket cases than she is
- D9 is still angry about mom leaving
- Her new career always involves rushing here and there
- Trying to stay involved with the kids requires rushing here and there
- She left her old job b/c she was always rushing to beat the clock
- Her H doesn't tell her much about his life now, he's not wearing his wedding ring, he must be seeing other people, whenever he talks to her he's arrogant
- She only works, sees the kids now and then, looks in on her dad, stays home alone most nights, occasionally she goes to a friend's candle or jewelry party
- All of the above is occuring during the holidays and she has no clue what will be happening on X-mas day

<Gasping exhale by TG>

I caved and told her I'm not dating. I wouldn't drag someone into this mess then possibly hurt them. I'm in no shape emotionally or financially to be dating. I'm just meeting new people, making new friends male and female (180 for me). Otherwise I didn't offer any fixes. I just empathized and agreed that there's a lot of crap hitting her fan.

I also probably yacked too much and said I didn't like being perceived as being arrogant. For some reason when I try to be confident, it looks arrogant to her. She says it's b/c she knows me. To her I've never been confident. When I show a back-bone she views it as arrogance. How do I overcome this?? My lack of confidence is so intrenched in her mind that I don't know how I can change it. Keep displaying confidence till she accepts it?? Am I not warm enough when I'm confident? Is there a book that I can learn from? Would a C help us find a way?

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