Short version: W called last night and I asked her how she is doing. I said, "How are you doing? I mean really doing?" I got a one word answer, "Fine." W asked how I was doing. I said, "Actually pretty good." (Mostly true.) W then started digging into whether or not I'm dating and who do I hang around with. There was no emotion from either of us. The whole talk lasted over an hour. I was bothered by the call the rest of the night and got very little sleep. There were positives and negatives in the call. Wish I could think on my feet better when talking. This AM, W calls to get a phone # from me and see how the kids were this morning. She was noticeably short and distant to me. Textbook WA distancing.
Long version: I was tired of the imitation nice detente that W and I have where we only talk about periphery subjects like kids and work. So I took charge and was going to ask W how she really is then we could branch into some deeper talk. That way I could show that I'm happy, confident, and not the weeping whiner of our last "serious" talks of many months ago. Last night she called and we chatted, I was about to ask my big question when she said she had arrived at FIL's so she'd call back later since I wanted to talk more. She sounded surprised that I wanted to continue talking. Hmmmmm? She called back a few minutes later. I asked her my question.
W: "You're asking me? Well...fine. I'm fine." TG: "That's it?" W: "Yes. Now that I've got my routine down I'm doing fine. How are you?" TG: "I'm actually pretty good."
Boy. A wealth of info there. Wouldn't you agree. <sarcasm> Sounds like W is not really boiling over with joy and happiness IMO.
Then she asked if I was seeing anyone. I get a "fine" to my question and she starts giving me twenty questions about my personal life? This made me very uncomfortable and I did a poor job of dodging her questions. She kept saying things like:
"Are you seeing anyone?" "Who do you hang around with these days?" "Do you call people up?" "Who do you go out with from work?" "Have new people been hired at your work?" "Do you meet women when you go out with friends?" "I don't know who you do things with anymore." "I assume you are seeing someone, or are dating." "So these women you meet with thru friends, do you take them home?"
Here's the one that really thows me. When I said that most women I've met via friends have not been the kind I'd like to get to know (most are basket cases). W asks: "Would you ever ask me out on a date?" A perfect chance to do what bf says to do, twist her words with confidence. I goofed and said if she was interested in dating me, yes I'd ask. Doy! <ThatGuy bangs his head on table>
Her interrogation wasn't angry or accusatory. Just like she was talking to her brother or something. I can't believe I let her put me on the defensive.
So three things keep buzzing in my head (amazing me): 1. W's casual manner during the whole talk. 2. Her question of whether I'd ask her out on a date. Like would she meet my standards or qualifications anymore? Not a request. Heh. 3. W's assumption that I'm out surfing through women. (Again, heh. I wish.)
After reading some postings about not knowing the WA's perception of the LBS, and how it sometimes is nowhere close to reality. I find last night's talk very interesting.
I didn't want to sound like I'm just sitting at home waiting for her to change her mind, but I didn't want to lie by saying I've got women all over the place. I danced around in the middle somewhere trying to remain mysterious. I probably came off looking confused. She had to have gotten the message that I'm at least looking around. Before our talk I thought there was no way I could even ease my way into using bf's advice about talking confidently to W. Now? Knowing her perception of me? I'll probably give it a try. Her cold monosyllabic convo on the phone this AM convinces me even more.
