Slipped a little this weekend on GAL. The weather wasn't very good so it contributed some to poor GAL and thus a little down PMA.
Exchanged the kids w/ W on Firday PM. Something about the kids moving from one vehicle to another with a couple bags at a gas station in a dinky nowhere town that seems wrong. The kids don't seem to mind so why should it bother me? Although it did bother S6 (a little crying) when he found out he was going to spend a few days at W's house. Says "it's boring".
Did very little Friday PM thru Saturday.
Sunday I went to my mom's house to help put up her X-mas decorations. I called W to see if the kids could come help. (W's house is on the way to mom's house.) X-mas decorating is not as much fun without kids. I wasn't expecting them to be able to b/c they had been overnighting at SIL's house all weekend with W. They were back at W's but S6 has been asking to go bowling for weeks so W was going to try to find an alley that was open and/or get a tree. The kids were more into doing that so I agreed to let them skip decorating at grandma's. When I arrived at grandma's W called and no bowling available anywhere. So we arranged a kid swap so they could decorate after all.
We met at a gas station halfway between us in the middle of nowhere. Picture the scene in Fargo when Steve Buscemi is burying the money in the snow. As far as you can see there's nothing but snow. Now imagine a gas station there. That's where we met to swap the kids. It was cold and windy, some snow falling, surrounded by empty corn and bean fields all the way to the horizon, and there's my kids climbing into my truck. Next time I'm going all the way to W's to get the kids.
I had to wait a few minutes for W and the kids to get there. I was trying to decode my thoughts while I waited. Was I bitter toward W for causing us to have to swap the kids like this? Was I glad that W wasn't coming to help decorate so I wouldn't have to deal with her being around me and my family? Was I sad because she didn't ask to help decorate, meaning she didn't want to be around me? Was I resentful that I don't have much money to buy gifts this year now that I'm making the house payment on my own along with car & health insurance? Tried to figure out what my DB family would be saying to all those questions.
W and the kids finally showed up. After a quick wave back to W, I grabbed the kid's gear and loaded it into the truck. The kids gave me quick hugs as they darted past me for the warmth of the truck. W came around to kiss the kids. Wow did she look hot! I was both turned on and pi$$ed off. She had some new tight jeans, hot looking boots, sexy new sunglasses, and her long hair was a little messed up. Schwinggg! I was peeved though, because I've needed to buy new clothes for months and don't have the extra bucks to do it. Right away W says to me, "You look good in that coat" as she's brushing the snow off of it (I got a sweet black leather jacket from my mom for my b-day). I zipped my lip from saying anything about her new duds b/c it would be nothing but negative. Then her comment on my coat erased any anger I had. (I'm putty in her hands ) We exchanged pleasantries and she gives me a big hug. W says a final goodbye to the kids as I'm walking around to get in my truck. I looked at her and she was looking at me with a half smile on her face. I told her that her hair looked great today and she said "You really think so? Thank you". Off we drove.
I try to detach and she cranks me back in. Son-of-a....! I almost dislike her because of her power over me. Yeah I know the power is all in my head (actually both heads ).
Thank you to all that replied to my X-mas card question. Would I be crazy for talking it over with W before I send any out? For all I know she's already sent a bunch out. What would it look like if some got two? Did she sign them from all of us or just her, just her and the kids? Probably makes no difference but for some reason I don't want to surprise her on this one.
Forgot to mention that W called today to tell me that FIL was turned down to enter the Veteran's Administration (VA) nursing home. She's told me that FIL is none of my business now but she still vents to me about it. I validated of course. This is a bummer for two reasons:
1. Obviously FIL needs to be in a home. He can't care for himself due to diagnosed dementia, but physically he's okay. Stupid governement.
2. One of the reasons W lives where she does, is b/c it's 10 minutes from FIL. If he moved to a home it would be here in the city. Currently she "looks in on him" most every day. So FIL moving would be one less excuse for her to stay put.
I know #2 sounds a little self serving and probably has nothing to do with why W moved out there. But I need all the help I can get and if W's needing to help her F has even the most minute affect on her reasoning to stay out there...
Guess I'll have to just accept this as a chance to validate and be compassionate. Probably more productive than removing FIL from her list of "excuses".
I was trying to decode my thoughts while I waited.
Unfortunately TG, I think that we've all been "there". We love our S, but are angry with what they've done. We want to be with them, but when we're with them we need to be on our best DB behavior and that is hard.
I almost dislike her because of her power over me.
Short version: W called last night and I asked her how she is doing. I said, "How are you doing? I mean really doing?" I got a one word answer, "Fine." W asked how I was doing. I said, "Actually pretty good." (Mostly true.) W then started digging into whether or not I'm dating and who do I hang around with. There was no emotion from either of us. The whole talk lasted over an hour. I was bothered by the call the rest of the night and got very little sleep. There were positives and negatives in the call. Wish I could think on my feet better when talking. This AM, W calls to get a phone # from me and see how the kids were this morning. She was noticeably short and distant to me. Textbook WA distancing.
Long version: I was tired of the imitation nice detente that W and I have where we only talk about periphery subjects like kids and work. So I took charge and was going to ask W how she really is then we could branch into some deeper talk. That way I could show that I'm happy, confident, and not the weeping whiner of our last "serious" talks of many months ago. Last night she called and we chatted, I was about to ask my big question when she said she had arrived at FIL's so she'd call back later since I wanted to talk more. She sounded surprised that I wanted to continue talking. Hmmmmm? She called back a few minutes later. I asked her my question.
W: "You're asking me? Well...fine. I'm fine." TG: "That's it?" W: "Yes. Now that I've got my routine down I'm doing fine. How are you?" TG: "I'm actually pretty good."
Boy. A wealth of info there. Wouldn't you agree. <sarcasm> Sounds like W is not really boiling over with joy and happiness IMO.
Then she asked if I was seeing anyone. I get a "fine" to my question and she starts giving me twenty questions about my personal life? This made me very uncomfortable and I did a poor job of dodging her questions. She kept saying things like:
"Are you seeing anyone?" "Who do you hang around with these days?" "Do you call people up?" "Who do you go out with from work?" "Have new people been hired at your work?" "Do you meet women when you go out with friends?" "I don't know who you do things with anymore." "I assume you are seeing someone, or are dating." "So these women you meet with thru friends, do you take them home?"
Here's the one that really thows me. When I said that most women I've met via friends have not been the kind I'd like to get to know (most are basket cases). W asks: "Would you ever ask me out on a date?" A perfect chance to do what bf says to do, twist her words with confidence. I goofed and said if she was interested in dating me, yes I'd ask. Doy! <ThatGuy bangs his head on table>
Her interrogation wasn't angry or accusatory. Just like she was talking to her brother or something. I can't believe I let her put me on the defensive.
So three things keep buzzing in my head (amazing me): 1. W's casual manner during the whole talk. 2. Her question of whether I'd ask her out on a date. Like would she meet my standards or qualifications anymore? Not a request. Heh. 3. W's assumption that I'm out surfing through women. (Again, heh. I wish.)
After reading some postings about not knowing the WA's perception of the LBS, and how it sometimes is nowhere close to reality. I find last night's talk very interesting.
I didn't want to sound like I'm just sitting at home waiting for her to change her mind, but I didn't want to lie by saying I've got women all over the place. I danced around in the middle somewhere trying to remain mysterious. I probably came off looking confused. She had to have gotten the message that I'm at least looking around. Before our talk I thought there was no way I could even ease my way into using bf's advice about talking confidently to W. Now? Knowing her perception of me? I'll probably give it a try. Her cold monosyllabic convo on the phone this AM convinces me even more.
Oh yeah. One other thing buzzing in my head that I failed to list.
4. Late in our convo long after we were done with me seeing other women, W asked me if I've done anything lately that I've never done before.
WTF?? Is this just another tact to get info about other women? Just making conversation? I don't know why I try to make sense of what W says. I know it's a waste of time and energy. I think my auto-analyzer inside my brain grew back.
I was just in the company breakroom and there was a talk going on that I got sucked into as I was walking by. A female engineer says, "<ThatGuy> is such a nice guy. He's never gets upset when I point out a problem to him."
W would say that about me too. Nothing sucks more than being called "a nice guy". Look where it's gotten me!
Geeee whizzzz that is SO not true! At least for me. If I say you're a nice guy, it's definately NOT the kiss of death. I agree that in high school it was the kiss of death to be a girl's nice guy friend, but saying a man is nice is a big compliment. Wake up fellas.. there a women out here who would love to find a *nice* (but a little naughty!) guy.
Maybe it's just us DB women who are dreaming of knights in shining armor..sigh? But I think I heard Cinderella mention something about too.. and Snow White... and Beauty (oops wait.. she's into something else. Well it just proves there's someone for everyone), but you get what I mean
Nothing sucks more than being called "a nice guy". Look where it's gotten me!
Well, when you think about the alternative (an a@@ perhaps?), nice guy ain't so bad!!!
All joking aside, nice is a rare commodity these days and I think it's a quality that's valued by just about everyone I know. Don't let your current situation skew your perception of a great compliment!
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
I wasn't expecting them to be able to b/c they had been overnighting at SIL's house all weekend with W. They were back at W's but S6 has been asking to go bowling for weeks so W was going to try to find an alley that was open and/or get a tree. The kids were more into doing that so I agreed to let them skip decorating at grandma's. When I arrived at grandma's W called and no bowling available anywhere. So we arranged a kid swap so they could decorate after all.
) We exchanged pleasantries and she gives me a big hug. W says a final goodbye to the kids as I'm walking around to get in my truck. I looked at her and she was looking at me with a half smile on her face. I told her that her hair looked great today and she said "You really think so? Thank you". Off we drove.
).
