Is it ever justified to snoop about the OW if this is possible?
I have access to the RV that my WAS is living in (it's actually in my name). And I also see my H there and was there last night. Though he had hidden his regular phone so I couldn't check the caller ID, I could do it at another time when he was away and also look for other ways to find out who this woman is. I'll add too that my WAS and I do date one another regularly, though this would stop if I had enough control to stop it, because it is pursuing him and this doesn't seem to help him give up the women and come home.
Would it be in my best interest to try and find out who and where she is or not? Yes, my H would be unhappy. But four months ago I found info on the OW at that time and she split with him. And surprisingly he wasn't that mad at me, though he said if I did anything he would never see me again, this didn't happen.
Would it be in my best interest to try and find out who and where she is or not? Yes, my H would be unhappy. But four months ago I found info on the OW at that time and she split with him.
Which goes to show that there's no point in finding out anything about the OP. It's never about them, anyway, and besides, what you may find out can cause you misery or haunt you. Not always... there was a time I used to snoop a bit and found some purchases the OM had made, and they were upsetting, but then I found he had bought a penis enlarger, and figured I could now stop snooping on that high note.
That's the funniest post I've read in a while! You're right-nothing more to look for after finding that!
Seriously, my advice about snooping is that I do understand the desire to, but it gets you nowhere. In the beginning, that's ALL I did. Now, I don't because most of the time I just end up hurt, and it doesn't change my situation whatsoever.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Didn't know there was such a thing as a penis enlarger--that is funny!
Yes, I guess I know that snooping acomplishes nothing. I should keep my thoughts on pleasant things. I guess it's the time of year--the pain seems greater now. Rere
Snooping is a huge temptation but really gets you into trouble. I snooped to the extreme, and uncovered more then I ever wished to know. Then you are stuck with that information in your head and it will drive you nuts. I had to stop, or it would have destroyed me.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Seriously, my advice about snooping is that I do understand the desire to, but it gets you nowhere. I just end up hurt, and it doesn't change my situation whatsoever.
May I play devil's advocate here for a minute. I have been tempted to spy (my neighbor is a real PI, and he is willing to teach me how). I figure that nothing I find out is worse than the way H treats me or the horrible things he has accused me of or said to me.
And in my sitch, there is somewhat of a benefit to it, I believe. My H is spending our mutual money fast and furious and probably because of his MLC, he is getting himself into business deals (not illegal - just stupid) that are blowing our life's savings.
I have already seen an attorney and he says the only way I can stop the spending is to get a seperation agreement or file for D. Since I wish to do neither until I absolutely HAVE to, I think it is wise to keep tabs on what H is doing with our money.
I have a remote, stealth program ready to go which will record all incoming and outgoing emails and IM's on his computer. He won't know it's there and everything he writes will be forwarded to me by email.
I have no other way to know when H is getting our finances into such a knot that it cannot be untied. Right now he is just dallying with a few bucks....but I can see the time is coming when I will have to know what he is up to.
NY survivor, Didn't know there was such a thing as a penis enlarger--that is funny!
Well, like me, ahem... you probably never needed one! But anyway, the moral of the story is that I learned to stop bothering with finding stuff out, and to take the high road instead, because I'm the... ummm... bigger man.
I figure that nothing I find out is worse than the way H treats me or the horrible things he has accused me of or said to me... And in my sitch, there is somewhat of a benefit to it, I believe. My H is spending our mutual money fast and furious... blowing our life's savings... I have already seen an attorney and he says the only way I can stop the spending is to get a seperation agreement or file for D. Since I wish to do neither until I absolutely HAVE to, I think it is wise to keep tabs on what H is doing with our money.
You've been told by your attorney what you must do to protect yourself, regardless of what you'd like to do. No amount of snooping is going to protect your finances. And I disagree, you certainly can come across stuff that will hurt you and haunt you.
I believe that information is power and I do snoop all the time - but VERY carefully. Yes, it did hurt, because I found out that they are sexual although he assured me - and still does - "we are just friends". And it was painful to find out how often they contact each other - I learned it was daily.
First I confronted him, he denied, then I told him what I knew and he was furious. Now I learned the lesson, so I don't talk and he thinks I stopped snooping, but I still do. And I am glad I do. I know they see each other twice, sometimes even three times per day. It is very painful to actually hear him say "I love you, you are my girl", but I feel better that I know what is really going on. I hear how needy this woman is and how superficial are their conversation - I feel now so LESS threathened (especially after learning how to deal effectively with this situation to accomplish my goal on the long run).
I listen to all conversations going on in his car - including him on the cell phone. And in some weird way it is actually also quite empowering to know exactly what is going on. It is actually funny how after a "loving" chat with her he calls me cheerfully -- ah, if she could hear how he is cheating on her :-)
I don't feel that knowing hurts me any more than NOT knowing. Quite contrary. Now I feel I have even more control of the situation.
Knowledge is power. Knowing what's really going on helps me to strategize based on facts not on my hunches and hopes.
In case you are interested, here is how I snoop: In his car, in the backpocket of the passanger seat, every morning I place a digital recorder Olympus WS-200S (17 hour non-stop recording time on one tiny battery - make sure you disable the beeper if you want to do it!)
I must admit, I am a very strong person. Not everyone can handle the stuff you can discover through snooping - not everyone will find it as useful and empowering as I do.
Greetings to all of you - one day sun WILL shine into our windows too!
Sunny greetings from Florida,
Wanda
My unusual MLC scenario
I'm a snooping fan too. Please keep in mind the no judgements tone of these BB's. Just telling you my thoughts. Knowledge IS power and my runaway imagination would have done me far more damage than not knowing stuff. I, too, marvel at the simplicity of the conversations. Snooping has provided me with more peace and power. It also has helped me learn how to strategize and not be accusatory, critical, controlling, etc. Each case is different.
That has made my day