Hi gals, I'm just getting a minute to post now before I leave for the day. I am calmer thanks to all of your input, but it's been a tough day. I am taking all of your suggestions to heart, and they're what's keeping my sane at the moment. I didnt email him earlier today because I still worry about appearing "clingy", and one time within the last couple of months he did get really snarly at me when I told him I missed him in an email. I don't feel like I can ask about mondays schedule, Ellie, because that means I'm snooping...I have to go into a special computer program to look it up. sigh.
H did email me over lunch though, and said ILY....I was out of the office and didnt respond, he emailed me later asking if everything was ok, I did respond then.
He stopped by before he left, I had MSN up on the computer, and he said "hey you wanna see that"....and found monster in all her glory to show me. of course I'd found her earlier and logged in to read her details....so he logged in and got to read it all....evidently yesterday he just clicked on it and she came up on the front page. H was pretty shocked by that, seems dismayed by the whole thing....said "I really don't care for that, seems like plain ole' wh--ing around to me, out there for all the world to see (can't imagine what he thinks of the sex sites); I commented that she is certainly well polished in her presentation, and he agreed. then I got tearful....H said "I'm sorry, I thought you'd want to see because you said she should go away." Told him I don't like to see her, even in a picture on the net....and he was actually comforting and reassuring, hugged me and kissed me and said "I love YOU"...I told him I wish I could just dump a bucket of water on her as in the wizard of oz....and watch her shrivel away. I did comment that I doubted he'd ever find me on an internet dating site, and he said that was reassuring, because that is very unappealing to him.
I need to think about somehow nicely telling him to concentrate with me on working on us....actually I did tell him that tonight, and he seemed to agree, but then I always find him getting all sad and mopey again. I gotta sign off. I hope it's an easier weekend. I just wish she'd GO AWAY ALREADY!
I dunno.....this has been a hard week. I've not been very good here at work, either. I'm having a tough time with this, not sure why, maybe just tired from moving the kids, etc., I will get back to work on "merchandising" the house though...I thought I was doing pretty well at it, then the kids moved in and everything kind of ground to a halt. I think that is a lot of it. I know it's really effecting H as well.
I might journal that he's intiated sex last Thurs, Friday and Sunday and last night so I guess that part isn't affected.
