DEB!!! STOP IT!!! I have just been going through a time myself. I actually snooped in my husband's phone. I have never done that before. It started out with me feeling bad about myself. Then I started thinking about things he was doing--staying out late, not including me in his plans, not calling to let me know what was up for the night. Away went my mind-ASSuming! I started doing just what you are doing--imagining I knew what he was up to--seeing someone else, talking on the phone with her, maybe having lunch together, sleeping together. I finally drove myself nearly hysterical when he didn't come home one night (which is not unusual cuz he will stay over at a friends if he has been drinking too much). But I had it all figured out and when he got home confronted him--dumb, dumb, dumb! After much discussion he told me he has been uncomfortable being out with me because he feels I'm a "babysitter" instead of a wife. This is because I accused him a couple of times of spending time with other women. It all boils down to my insecurity with myself and thinking I'm not good enough for him. How sick is that!!! This week he made commitment to come home after work every night instead of stopping off to drink with his buddies. He said he was doing it for himself. And he has stuck to it. It is just for the week so don't know what will happen this weekend, but I let him know I appreciated having him around even though I know it isn't for me.
I got my KLA tapes out and started listening again--they are comforting. I have to work at acting as if and I have to get back to taking care of me and not focusing on him so much. You can too, Deb. I think Ellie is right, too--you've got to say something. But don't accuse.
Most days are good, but sometimes we are going to struggle. Most of the time, it is because I'm not loving myself. You can do it, Deb!
