Deb....sit down, take a breather and PUSH THE STOP BUTTON. Sit still and think here for a minute. I think you're feeling washed around in the current, but you're really in a new phase/stage that you can work through. Let's get you up to the bank for a look, shall we?
First, stop assuming. It will do you no good. Just don't think about it.
Next, I think you, and perhaps many of us here reading your sitch, felt that things were "in the clear" mostly for you. You thought the hardest stuff was done, now just a matter of getting close. I think it is...but he still has some stuff to work through. He STILL needs time and space. This is HIS deal, NOT yours. Remember that. Don't let this stress YOU...you have worked too hard these years to let all your peace, confidence and life unravel for something that your H is just working through. He's finishing up his feelings for OW. If ya think about it..it's good that it's taking a while, means it's sustainable and permanent and feelings won't creep back up again later. Let him go...detach a bit again. Sit back and focus on YOUR life again. We all know the answer to this...he wants YOU...he's muddling out of the darkness right now. It hurts...but so did anything that you did during your M that might have hurt him.
Next...let's get creative. What is it, exactly, about OW that he liked? Well, the attention, excitement, no demands, control, etc, etc...Well, you solved that by changing you, by being yourself again and he came back. NOW, it's time to ask the same question again. What is it, exactly, about OW that he is still drawn to? It's NOT her...it's the finishing of the drama. I think it's b/c he's feeling rejected, blown off, tossed away so easily. She joined a site, makes it a point to see him at work but blow him off, blows you both off at church, acts happy and smug, hits on other men right in the same workplace. It doesn't make him want it, just makes him focus on it...it's like he's focusing on his own failure...and this is a little MLC time for him too, right?
So, what can YOU do to grab him again? I'm not suggested you date and join Match. Merely, I'm suggesting that you do 1 of 2 things--don't know which is the right path...so others can pipe in here: 1) give him what he feels he's needing...not a failure, attention, desired, etc. OR 2) you do the same...detach, move on a bit and focus on other things in life, BE HAPPY FOR YOU, have a good time. See the trend?
I could be way off....either way, you need to catch yourself now, stop spiraling with this stuff. Pull back, focus on you, and detach from the drama.
