Deb...I don't think I've ever posted to your thread, and sadly, I have nothing really wise to offer....BUT, I agree with all the sage advice of Ellie.
Mostly, wanted to tell you that I have followed your sitch for a few months now, and have gotten the picture of all that's happened in 2 years...you are an amazingly strong woman...you have strength beyond words and are a true inspiration to me.
Hang in there...things didn't come this far for nothing...this may be the toughest part of all...so close.
I agree with Ellie...it's hard to anyone to admit that what they did was wrong, just plain wrong and no excuses. I struggled to find a "reason" why I behaved poorly in my M, and H justifies things too...then there comes a time when you feel more secure, better about yourself, that you can admit that you made a mistake, 100%, no excuses...perhaps this comes when you feel safe again...you like yourself and have grown. I think he'll get there...eventually. Can't be pushed though. Until then, trust what Ellie said. He felt a rush, feelings that come with needs fulfilled that weren't by you....he misses all those things he gave her WITHOUT the baggage of coming home, of course that's appealing. He doesn't miss HER, wasn't in love with HER. It was the things she gave, the needs she filled. The fantasy life he imagined to have. He felt it might be "in love" b/c it was the rush of something new, clandestine, no baggage, instant connection on a superficial level when you're in need, pain and rejection (from you). I can admit now that I've felt that before, as well.
He's feeling a fool right now. Don't get dragged down with him. Stay calm, cool and strong. Let him ride out whatever phase this is....this too shall pass.
Remember, in the end, the draw, the pull, was to you. It wasn't an easy thing to come back to you...but he did it...b/c he loved you. And still does.
