Ah. Deb - This is the sucky part of piecing. You'll get through it.
Of course H thinks it was "love" - how otherwise could he possibly justify to himself the pain he has inflicted? It takes a long time for them to REALLY see the OW and the affair for the pathetic things they really were.
What your H is really saying, though, is that he had that dopamine high/ "in love" feeling when he was with her. Your job right now is to show him that he can have that dopamine high with you. Flirt with him. Speak his love languages. Share adrenaline-inducing or laughter-inducing experiences with him (rollercoasters, scary movies, comedy clubs). Introduce novelty - my H appreciates even the smallest things, such as a change of my wardrobe or how I wear my hair or a new recipe - makes me sadly aware of how prone to getting in ruts I am.
Sure, having the kids at the house has been an aggravating factor - so now that they're leaving, impress your H with a beatuifully clean, calm, soothing environment. Light good-smelling candles. Think about "merchandising" - all the things stores like Pier One do to make you feel good as soon as you walk through the door. Stick to your workouts and a good diet.
As for the money - you know the truth about that, but is there anything you can do that would make visible to your H the steps that are being taken to improve your economic state? What about reading one of David Bach's books together? Having a budget and a financial plan that is looking towards the future may help alleviate his current discomfort about money.
As for the elephant in the living room - your H's depression - that doesn't magically go away just because the WAS decides to come home. Are you feeding him vitamins, fish, sunlight, exercise, regular sleep hours? Do you have nice music playing around the house?
This will get better, I promise. But there's still work to do, and unfair or not, you still need to tow that barge.
