I hope to have time to post more tomorrow...I'm kind of struggling, things are generally good, but last weekend H commented that "we really did love each other, it wasnt just lust" and I swear I have been so down since then, it's such a struggle. I didnt even answer when he said that, just walked away, but it really really hurts. I keep thinking what the hell, why do I even try, if she's so damn great then go. I didnt say it of course, and keep trying to remind myself that actions speak louder than words, but it still hurts really badly.
I'm still seeing mlc stuff as well, he commented "I guess I should have done something different/more with my life"....also was again making comments about all the money I'd spent from a loan....I swear it is not at all accurate, what he recalls/thinks, and it was all discussed. I reminded him of what was done with it, and he was like "oh, yeah, that's right", but I swear he doesnt remember it (and this is not a lot we're talking here, like 3500 bucks or so on a car loan that went towards D's wedding and a big medical bill.
and he told me that monster has been waiting "all this time" for him to divorce, that he has finally told her that is not going to happen, "things are going well" between us, and that she needs to move on.
I don't know what to think, believe, or do anymore. I've been thinking just focus on myself and the kids. Big kids are in the process of moving into their own home, thank god. I have no doubts that the strain of having them here has set us back a good bit. and upped H's level of resentment, anger, what have you. However, I guess the fact that he didnt use it as an excuse to run back to monster is a big plus.
