I've been so busy I havent posted for 2 weeks, will try to journal in a bit to catch up, but am kinda worried today, thought I'd see what anyone else's thoughts might be.
things have been going pretty well, better by far after H's "nasty spell" about 3 weeks or so ago. This Saturday was his birthday, it went better than it has for years (more about that later)... Yesterday I was kinda nervous, had a hard time not being anxious, H was here in this office, complaining about hating being here and the office he was in being like a cave (over email) and then I hear him and ow paged at about the same time in the afternoon. Of course I wanted to panic that they were together if they were both being paged, but managed to stay calm, talked myself down (mostly anyway).
I sensed that H was kinda down, so when he got home late I had his favorite meal ready for him; he seemed really appreciative. Neither of us slept well last night, H tossed and turned, complained of being hot; Kept me awake.
Today, I've had a couple of emails from him saying how down and blue he feels, that he doesnt know what's causing it or why, but he hates feeling that way and wishes he'd feel happy and like he had some energy.
This scare the heck out of me, and I don't know what to do/how to help him. Is it still the mlc depression? Is he blue over ow? Is he regretting his choice to stay? or is it just the gray day and lack of sleep, plus SIL has a "stomach bug", maybe he's coming down with that.
I guess a positive is that he is TELLING me he is feeling down...for years he turned it inward and never shared this with me, and I really feel it contributed to our problems. He also held me in the night last night, suggested doing it himself...and he is sending emails w/ILY and signing them "Your D"....none of which he did when monster was in the picture.
So how do I help????? what do I say???? so far, I've just tried to validate and be encouraging without discounting his feelings. I told him I was sorry to hear he was feeling so down, that I was thinking of him and wishing I could give him a hug....sent him a cyber hug...told him I'd have all he wanted ready when he got home and to let me know if there was something else I could do to help him.
I have absolutely no clue how else to help. I am powerless to "fix" it.
I have been thinking that I may surprise him by taking in a few things to "the cave" office that he was complaining about (it is pretty depressing, windowless and blah)I have a framed poster of a mountain scene at home, and silk plants and baskets I could put in there as a surprise. but that would just be a fun "pick me up" kind of thing, not a real "help"....
I got this email from him earlier this afternoon:
Quote: Thanks Deb; I really appreciate your e-mail and it does perk me up a little. I miss you real bad too, I don’t know what it is but I just feel depressed, sad. I guess that’s better than mad. Well, I’d better get going. Love you! Your D
Is he missing monster? post-birthday let down? middle-age blues? lack of sleep? getting sick? all of the above?
