Hi TC and Ellie, no problem with the hijack, I appreciate the suggestions and thoughts. I will follow up on this. This morning I woke up with a bladder infection, stayed home from work sick and spent 2 hours just trying to get a ua done. sheesh, doesnt seem it should be so hard.
Last night was tough, really tough. H is just weird again, and I feel so tired of all this, so lost. I'm not sure how we got off on the wrong foot, he came in the door from work and gave me a hug, was cheerful. He went to do the treadmill while I balanced the check book, came up and sat beside me and chatted, and then somehow things went all to hell. He started in about the debt issue again, and somehow I just was not in the mood to take it from him. I pointed out to him that the cc stuff that he is now pissing and moaning about was not just me having a good old time, it is stuff we discussed and he was gung-ho about and even suggested, and I was stupid enough to put it on my credit card. Boy was that a stupid, stupid move. Thought I was doing the right things, sure as hell don't know now why I thought that then. good old hind sight. When he started his bitching, I mentioned it was not all my doing, that it was discussed and he was in favor of this stuff, and in fact we were together when some of the purchases were made. Of course, in typical MLC or what the hell ever it is fashion, he had NO memory of that, accused me of making stuff up, and on and on. I didnt say a whole lot, but didnt back down, just stopped talking. We went to bed, and he said something about that he hadn't heard that "snot" for 2 years. I told him I wasnt being a snot, I was tired of taking the heat for something that was as much his responsiblity and "doing" as mine. Of course that went over like a lead balloon, he yelled at me, I dont' even remember what he said.
I had had it, told him I was "done" and got out of bed, he said "done with what", i didnt answer but was thinking "done with putting up with your crap, listening to your whining, putting my life on hold, worrying about your moods and whims and what does or doesnt suit you when you could give a rat's a$$ about what I need", but I didnt say a word, I just put on my clothes and left, drove around for a couple of hours, just needed to get away.
When I came back he was still awake, I told him if he needed to go, he should just go. he said "where would I go?" then waved his hand towards monsters place and said "you always think every thing is about that and it's not"...don't remember what else was said, sorta dozed off.
This morning he was conciliatory, said he loved me and just needed some "space" (damn, where have I heard that before?) and that he is having a really hard time with the kids being here. I am having a hard time understanding how that can be such a big big problem, but didnt say that, did ask if that was really it. he said yes, a lot of it, and that his bday is coming up and that's always hard for him as well (that is true, it has been a hellish time for years); i asked him why and he said he didnt know. i had a couple of brief emails that did say "ILY" and "your D" since I've been at work.
and now you know the rest of the story.
just wish I had a clue what to do.....and I am so tired of this.
Oh yeah, saw the phone bill that stirred things up a couple of weeks ago. 3 phone calls to monster on 1/7, one was 39 minutes in length, one 27, the other shorter. still drives me wild and infuriates me. however, those are the only calls, there were 4 pages in the billing and all 4 were there.
