Hi Mollie, Thanks, I know that is part of it, I am really sensitive and upset about my weight, and frustrated, so that was like throwing a match into a gasoline can.
I get so frustrated diet wise, because it just seems like the scales don't budge. I pretty much try to avoid anything with flour/sugar in it, and eat very little fruit because of the sugar. I don't eat anything but wholegrain cereal products, even check the ingredient list to make sure they really arent mostly "enriched flour"...I have eaten so much lettuce I am surprised I dont' have rabbit ears. I maybe don't give things enough time to work, but I swear in the time other people going to weight watchers lose 10 lbs, I might if I'm lucky lose 1 or so....I did lose weight well on the "bomb diet" as it's called around here, when I'd go for 2 or 3 days and then realize all I'd eaten was a cracker and I hadnt missed it.
I guess I'll just try to give H a leaving alone, no other options really, no matter what is behind his current weirdness. Boy, does it get old though, as you well know. I need to catch back up on your sitch, I lurked on your thread a couple of weeks ago but didnt get you posted to.
Hi Mollie, Thanks, I know that is part of it, I am really sensitive and upset about my weight, and frustrated, so that was like throwing a match into a gasoline can.
I get so frustrated diet wise, because it just seems like the scales don't budge. I pretty much try to avoid anything with flour/sugar in it, and eat very little fruit because of the sugar. I don't eat anything but wholegrain cereal products, even check the ingredient list to make sure they really arent mostly "enriched flour"...I have eaten so much lettuce I am surprised I dont' have rabbit ears. I maybe don't give things enough time to work, but I swear in the time other people going to weight watchers lose 10 lbs, I might if I'm lucky lose 1 or so....I did lose weight well on the "bomb diet" as it's called around here, when I'd go for 2 or 3 days and then realize all I'd eaten was a cracker and I hadnt missed it.
I guess I'll just try to give H a leaving alone, no other options really, no matter what is behind his current weirdness. Boy, does it get old though, as you well know. I need to catch back up on your sitch, I lurked on your thread a couple of weeks ago but didnt get you posted to.
Quote: and he said "I'm having a hard time and you get all clingy and upset and that makes it worse for me"....I just patted his shoulder and rolled over, but give me a break. Choking him seemed like a reasonable option at the time.
I don't blame you!!!!!!!! The nerve of him!!!!!!!
Pretty clear messages, though, from him - that you need to quit REacting to his moods and Act As If better. Picture yourself as the tiny tugboat trying to turn around the oil tanker of his bad moods.
As for the thyroid/weight question - no, it doesn't mean you are looking for a quick fix. There are legions of women out there struggling with undiagnosed hypothyroidism. Here's the rundown:
- 0.5 - 3 is considered "normal" for a TSH. BUT there are two situations where that may not hold true. One is in someone with active thyroid disease - we know that for many of them, their symptoms do not resolve unless their TSH is brought down closer to 1 (and for some people, way below 1). Fertility doctors know that infertile hypothyroid patients do best at getting pregnant if their TSH is kept below 2. So - if you have symptoms suggestive of thyroid disease, a family history of thyroid disease, and/or thyroid antibodies, it's possible that TSH of 2.63 is too high for you.
2) The second situation, much rarer, is called secondary hypothyroidism. This occurs when the pituitary gland doesn't work properly and fails to send enough TSH to the thyroid gland. The TSH level may be low or normal - but it could be "normal" when it really is supposed to be 45!!!!!
One way to try to sort this all out, especially if you are eating properly and working out and seeing no results, is to insist on a full thyroid panel including TSH, Free T4, Free T3, and thyroid antibodies. If you could get all those results to me, I might have a better idea of whether it is likely to be your thyroid.
As for other things that can cause weight gain - ask to be checked for Cushing's disease (overproduction of cortisol, typically results in "moon face" and "buffalo hump" woth purplish stretch marks, but often just causes intractable obesity.
Are you having any other symptoms which might be thyroid disease - dry skin, feeling cold, fatigue, thinning hair, losing outer 1/3 of eyebrows, joint pains, mental "fogginess"??? Any family history of thyroid or other autoimmune diseases like rheumatoid arthritis, diabetes, celiac disease, lupus?
As for his "try harder" comment - ignorant but unfortunately very common. My H had the same attitude and I know many patients on the thyroid boards whose spouses have said similar things. They just don't get it, really they don't.
One of the best things I did for myself recently was to keep that log on www.selfdietclub.com (free with a subscription to the magazine). By keeping that log of my calories and exercise for two weeks, I was able to see that I was indeed dieting appropriately and should have been losing tons of weight when I was losing none. Perhaps if you did the same for a couple of weeks it might clarify your sitch better?
Meanwhile - do not underestimate the amount of distress it causes your H for the house to be disturbed. My H is very sensitive to his environment. Things that anyone else wouldn't notice or would think are normal for a housefull of kids drive him crazy. Respect that and insist on the kids pulling their weight. It's really unacceptable for them to be grown adults, taking advantage of your generosity, and not treating your home better than that.
And as far as the money goes - whether the cards are in your name alone, or not, debt is a worry to your H and a threat to your future. This is something that would be good for you to get a grip on handling, and that I bet he would appreciate if he saw signs that you were taking it as seriously as him.
Deb, I have noticed in the past that your H responds to you when you stand up for yourself. Would this be a 180 for you? It is awfully easy to lose respect, and attraction, for a person who takes all of our shtuff, kwim.
Iow, when he made that hateful comment about your weight, it may have been time to draw a boundary about what you will or will not tolerate from him. "H, if you have something to say about my weight, you will do it in a respectful way. I will not tolerate someone saying hateful things to me." And walk away and THEN go cry, as we all would!
It looks, to me, like he sometimes pushes you to see what you will do. We know from his choice of an A partner that he is attracted to a person who will not back down from him. What she lacked, and you have in abundance, is an inner dignity..and respect for him as a person. Perhaps drawing a respectful, dignified line in the sand about what you will or will not tolerate from him will intrigue him more than the status quo.
Oh and way to go on the romantic weekend! You are not still morphing, you have arrived, my dear and put most of us to SHAME!
thanks, Ellie, as always helpful and thoughtprovoking info. I will check out the diet site, I do find an intake diary helpful, in fact it seems to be something I have to do to have any success at all. Do you agree with the conventional wisdom that going below 1000 cals/day sets off a "starvation cycle" lowering metabolism? (forgot to ask my doc this the other day).
as for symptoms of thyroid, not many that you listed, except that both parents have arthritis, I'm not sure about the type, perhaps osteo rather than rhuematoid, but I'm pretty sure my grandmother was likely to have had that type, she had horribly disfiguring arthritis for years, developed it as a fairly young woman. the only other sypmtoms would be feeling cold and dry skin, but then it is cold and dry here weatherwise, and some mental fogginess but I've always figured that was due to stress and sleep deprivation. I will call and see if she (doc) might consider ordering a full thyroid panel. I don't know if it might indicate anything or not, but years ago I had a thyroid check that actually came out "high"...upon recheck sometime later, it had returned to normal, I'm thinking this was 10 years ago.
I will speak with the kids about pulling their own weight more. They just seem so obtuse about it, and they do somethings, take care of their "critters" and help S13 with homework, but I guess H probably is more environmentaly sensitive than most people, in fact he gets upset when things are moved from their usual places, such as dog leashes and tv remotes. Hmm, now that I think of it, I dont' even touch the stuff on his side of the dresser, I will let it fall off before I do, partly because I don't want any monster surprises, but also because he gets upset if it's moved. and, now that I think about it, I don't even touch his pillow when I make the bed, because it bothers him, not that I touch it but that I move it. I adapted to these things so long ago that I didnt even recall them. In fact he even gets upset if the bar of soap in his shower is moved. So I suppose it's even the tiny little things that I don't particularly notice that drive him up the wall. I also get the distinct feeling that SIL is used to having his mother pick up after him, which is not my inclination, so he leaves his mail around and his coat and little irritating things like that. Thank god they should be getting their house soon, should be about a month. I will speak with the kids tonight though.
I am concerned about the debt issue as well, and I have closed all my accounts, and gotten the interest rates reduced somewhat. it will take a while to get them paid off though. I've thought of looking for a debt consolidation loan, but don't really have collateral except the house, so that doesnt seem a good option. I've thought of going to consumer credit counseling and seeing what they would suggest, but H says he doesnt think we'll qualify. I told him it never hurts to ask, and i do intend to check it out. need to get that scheduled. I do know of instances where people with higher incomes than ours got help through them although the sitches I know of had a higher debt than ours, so maybe that comes into play. That's a tough thing to figure out how to deal with. Even with the interest rates lowered they are still high, and it will take forever to get it paid off. I don't know of many other options other than checking through that agency.
Hi Honeypot, it so nice to talk to you! You know, you raise a very valid point. I probably would have had a better response had I called him on his nasty comment. I reacted so emotionally, though, I couldnt think of a comeback, or even think of one, all I thought of was to leave. So obviously getting a grip on my emotions and drawing a boundary would probably be helpful. at least worth trying as a 180. I do remember a time probably 4 -5 months ago when he said something condescending and I really snapped at him that I wouldnt tolerate that. and he has this shocked look on his face and apologized and has been better in that way since (dont' recall what it was now) and then I should have used a much calmer tone. I guess when I let go, I have trouble not being emotional.
I dunno about the weekend, not sure if it was a bust or boom. Actually H did say last night that he enjoyed it and that it helped him, but he was so withdrawn, I'm not quite sure.
I'll say one thing though, the porno movie was NOT the better part of it....H and I seem to agree on that. I found nothing at all enjoyable about it. A funny thing though, when we went to the sporting goods store, I looked at some cool running shoes. H commented about "just think, when you lose weight (god I hate him saying that) you can run around in those cute shoes"...In the porno movie, one gal had these really high platforms with huge heels and they were gold colored. I was fascinated by them. When H said that, I said "shoes? you mean like the ones in the movie?" and he said "what shoes in the movie? I wasnt looking at shoes" and he truly never even noticed them. Guess the book title is right huh? (men are from mars, women are from venus).
I gotta run, guess I'll see how he does this evening, I havent responded to his email that he sent about 2. just giving him some space, I dont' know how he will react. Sometimes he's really upset by that, sometimes he comes home and gives me a big smacker of a kiss. I'd prefer the later, but then, no expectations, right?
ummmmm, ok. This is a lesson for me! I mean, won't they think I'm bossy????? tehehehehe. but seriously, this is a different thing for me. I did tell her I wanted antidepressants though, and wanted my tubes tied, so maybe not totally new.
On the thyroid thing .. did you know that thyroid problems can be brought on by stress??? Just ask me. Right in the midst of our R problems, guess what I developed? Yep, you've got it! Only thing is, I started out (according to my then crazy doc) with Graves/hypEthyroid. After being on meds for the hypEr for a while, I actually went hypOthyroid. I had many of the symptoms that Ellie mentioned, but my blood tests kept coming back "normal" according to my "crazy" doc. I knew I wasn't feeling well .. wasn't losing that weight either .. no matter WHAT I did. I fired that doc and finally found a new one. When my labs came back to THIS doc .. he said to me that it's no wonder I was having the problems that I was (Including the big time weight issues). He told me that a lot of people feel their best when the blood test results(FT3&FT4) come back in upper third of the ranges. It wasn't until I got my FT4 and FT3 in the upper third of the ranges that I finally began feeling better ..and low and behold .. I started losing weight!!! So when you ask for the thryoid tests, make sure you request TSH, FT3, FT4 and ALSO the thyroid antibody test. (DO NOT let your doc go by TSH only .. that can be very misleading! I've been there, done that!)
Because of all of the stress that you have gone through .. another thing to possibly consider is having adrenal/hormone testing. Those two can and do go hand in hand with the thyroid problems. Thyroid/adrenal/hormone issues can ALSO contribute BIG time to your emotional affect.
Quote: This is a lesson for me! I mean, won't they think I'm bossy?????
I had a problem .. at first with this. After feeling bad for so long and my original doc NOT doing anything because my blood tests were "normal", I learned to be different. (A 180?) Once I began feeling so much better (starting on natural thyroid meds), I realized how much time had been wasted just because my previous "crazy" doc was diagnosing me totally by blood tests. (He should've added all of my symptoms into the equation, too!) When it comes to your health, you are you own best advocate .. so demand away. I think I dare say that most doc's are probably used to it.
I'm sorry for the long post on this topic. This is a very "hot" topic for me .. because of the fact that I went for so long incorrectly diagnosed.
Hey Totally - sorry you've been through the same thing! Are you on Armour thyroid now? I'm considering it if my latest dosage increase doesn't work (I'm on Levothroid and Cytomel right now). My T3 levels are fine, at the top of the range, so I don't know if it will help, but there's no denying some people just do better on Armour.
