ok, trying to update here. What a soap opera. luckily I'm feeling pretty calm and I guess detached here, for the minute at least. However, as Ellie said, it has to do with the fact that everything H uncovers in his forays into monsterland REALLY works in my favor. The Lord does work in mysterious ways. HeHeHeHeHe (did I say that?)
So.....last Friday while I was at work, I got such a strong feeling.....absolutely knew beyond any doubt monster was going to call H when she got his email to her. to recap: dont know if I mentioned, but when H got into the other therapists loveletter emails last Thursday, he forwarded them to monster from the other guys account, so it would have shown up as being from the other guy. then h signed it with a message that she was busted, what a deceitful bit-h she was/is, and told her she should do the world a favor and take married guys off her menu.

I got home around noon, and H told me he'd gotten a furious phone call from her at 9:03. The thought occurred to me that he probably WANTED her to call...maybe even emailed her to get her to. sigggggggggghhhhhhhhh. Any way, evidently it was a big ugly argument, H says he told her to leave him out of her circus, and that he has heard nothing from her since. Which of course makes me believe he must have been hearing from her quite a bit.


We went to lunch with my dad and brother, h was pleasant and seemed to enjoy himself, which is WAY different from how he used to be.

during the weekend, h and I had some discussions about the monster. H is still shocked and blown away by the extent of her activities as far as "hunting and fishing". H mentioned that one of his best friends who worked here, also a therapist, who left just about the time the A turned physical, mentioned a couple of times having gotten "weird emails" from monster. That neither of them thought much about it at the time, but now he's convinced that's "how she does it....also putting her line out, and if she gets any nibbles on the bait she goes after it". Said that she also had two OTHER guys who work here going to her house at the same time H was seeing her "doing stuff" for her....that she got flowers from another guy still while H was seeing her, that her D told H who they were from and got in trouble from monster for doing it.

Evidently monster told H that she and the guy who's email he got into are "just friends"....H told her, "yeah, right, I have book by that title he needs to read" and that he couldnt imagine how many friends with benefits she has.

many tidbits came out of the discussion last weekend. it's a challenge to remember them all.
--re the email convo between monster and other guy about his wifes surgery: Evidently he commented that he knew he could "get support here from you, so I came back rather than staying at the hospital"...that sucks. ok, here's the point: I had two minor-ish surgeries during the A. I always suspected that monster would be pissed at me getting h's attention, but also that H wouldnt leave me. SO, I purposely scheduled them to be as close to interferring with "their" time together as I could. H had to reschedule the time he was with her to take care of/be with me. although, sigh, he did leave some the day after each of them . But anyway, I was right and it worked! H said how furious and demanding monster would get, demanding that H be with her and leave me, that I was just doing it to be manipulative , and on and on and on. In H's words "I really took a butt chewing on those. I'm sure old OG (other guy) would have too".

H commented at one time during the weekend "she just got so demanding and hateful and nasty until I couldnt stand it. and it was so weird, at the same time you just got sweeter and sweeter and I got more and more convinced that what I wanted was really right here all the time". So, I've tucked that one away into my memory banks. Owe it all to DBing .

H also shared some of the nasty disrespectful things monster said about me. Kinda ticked me off, but then I knew it was happening. Evidently she said things like: I didnt really love/want H, I just didnt want a divorce because I was 50 and didnt want to start over, and that I would never find anybody else. . Needless to say, that really made me mad. But, I stayed calm, said "So she thinks I would have wanted a divorce if I was 30? I have loved you since we were kids, and I never ever would have wanted one", and "sounds like I was less disrespectful of her than she was of me", to which H replied "yes, you were, I always admired the way you took the high ground; it just showed how much you really were the better person". I guess the moral of that story is that all the tongue biting paid off. He also said when she'd made her "divorce your wife and come back" pitch the first of December, that he'd told her he loves me, and she'd said "well, I hope she's figured out what a wonderful man you are" and he'd said "there's no problem there".

We spent time snuggling and talking and ml; at one point, H put his arms around me (we werent in bed, it was a "surprise attack") and pulled me close and whispered in my ear "monster will never come between us again"...I was kinda surprised and got teary-eyed by that and some none-dbing took over. I let "promise?" slip out...and he said "promise". Lord, don't I hope? At one point when we were snuggled up, he did comment on how blessed he feels, that he is so lucky that I still love him and want him. There was certainly a day when I never would have dreamed I'd hear that.

We have been working out together still. I am really trying hard, and H is very encouraging. tells me he thinks that already he sees my legs shaping up. I think I see a bit of improvement in my waist, as well. I didnt weigh this week, but last week the scales had dropped considerably. I still have soooo far to go, and this is not just vanity, I really NEED to do it for health and functionality. But his encouragement helps so much, and makes it so much more enjoyable. I make a point of telling him how much it helps.I've actually been working so hard my butt is sore sometimes. never had that happen before.


In one email this week, he said how he thinks we "need to do more fun things, especially with the kids if we're going to". that's another thing I never thought I'd hear.

Tuesday, he was here at work, sent me an email and asked if I had time to come visit with him, he was bored ; I'm certain this is something he used to share with monster. So, I went over, we had a "break" together, in that we chatted in his office and did a bit of smooching between appointments. Not sure, but I'd guess the smooching is against the rules, but i'm sure monster was happy to do it in the past. I'm just glad it me and not her these days!!!!!!!!!!!!

On my way home from work Tuesday I finally took the great big tin of mixed nuts I've been going to send to him in the out of town office and did it. I put a card on it that said "just wanted to show you how I feel about you. All ways and always. Your Deb"
Yesterday at noon, I got an email that said "Hey! thanks for the gift! that was really sweet and fun" Evidently he shared them with office staff, and they all knew where they came from. Female coworker who's getting married was evidently impressed, saying several times (according to H) Deb/your wife sent you these?. Of course she's the one who's lectured him about monster, so maybe she was afraid they came from her.

Oh yeah, H commented he talks about me and how much he loves me to this female coworker, and she tells him "Now that the way it should be!"

so, lots of soap-opera-ish twists and turns. But all good. I have to say, our M truly is better than it's ever been. And still getting better. Someday we will be able to bury monster in a cloud of dust. H now comments that she "truly is a monster"

I still want us to:
--date/go out more
--H to buy my jewelry (I'm sorry, but big honkin' stuff I can flash in monsters face would be great!)
--I want us to go to marriage encounter.

so, we shall see. We've come so far, it is truly miraculous, even though I still have my anxious moments

been around awhile!