I've not had time to post this week much, hope to do so later, but I had to jump in here with this. I am speechless, shocked but not surprised. Amazed. I just got this email from H:
Quote: I just had an interesting moment. With the (special computer system)you can log onto anyone’s name who also has one and look through there stuff. I logged onto (male coworkers). My he and Monster e-mail each other flirty cute e-mails every day, I checked, clear back till March. She is indeed amazing, constantly fishing and going after married guys. Maybe (director) knew about that as well when she asked her if she was chasing the donut guy now. I wonder if (HR person) and (monsters supervisor)didn’t know that as well! Hell, maybe she’s seeing him? Of interest she told him in early September that A. B. (guy from H's hometown she made such a big deal about dating) was not a prince, but a frog, she must have only dated him for a couple of weeks. It was sure revealing to see what a liar and operator she was. I sure love you and I am so glad that we are together, to imagine she had me so convinced just scares me now, dang I needed a swift kick in the ass! Thank you for your patience with me and loving me, I truly don’t know what I’d do without you! Your D
words in parenthesis are mine, "changed to protect the guilty" (and innocent, I guess)
Isnt this incredible????? I always "knew" that H wasnt as special to her as she wanted him to believe. Couldnt tell him that though. Well, I could have, but he'd have never believed it and just been mad at me.
The really sickening thing is this male co-worker has 2 little kids, oldest is only 5. I am just so sad for his family. I'm sure his W has no idea. She is such a vicious predator, always sniffing for blood and circling the unsuspecting prey for a kill.
I'm curious as to how H decided to log onto that guy's computer. H must have suspected something.
I don't know why this shocks me so, but it still takes my breath away. I can't help but wonder how many families she has put through hell and terrible turmoil. There was a guy who worked here for a while who had been a high school classmate of hers who left after working here only 4 months. H always commented about her flirting with him (yes, he was married too), and I always wondered if that was why he left so abruptly.
Deb - If you know this guy's wife, do her a favor and got to her with your story. Wouldn't you have wished someone had clued you in earlier so you could have tried to p[rotect your H and your marriage?
Of course, if H could get into the system to do that, it means others could get into the system and see all the emails he and OW had. Maybe now he'll realize all such discussions - even with you - should NOT be on office email???
And, it still sucks that H is so interested in oW that he even cares about what she's doing, but I'm glad that every time he does, he keeps finding more evidence to convince him he wasn't that special. Hopefully this will be the end of it.
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, my head is spinning. I talked to H when he stopped by my office on his way home. I am just flabbergasted.
Quote: it still sucks that H is so interested in oW that he even cares about what she's doing
You said it Ellie, that in itself drives me nuts. I KNOW he still has interest or he wouldnt be paying any attention. sigh. And I feel like any kind of deal I make about it is likely to just "stir up" more of it. Bigger sigh.
I am still astounded that monster carries on as much as she does with all these guys. I believe H is kind of in a state of shock. hahaha. what is it we say about snooping here on these boards? of course the shock means the interest is still there. sigh again.
H said what he found was that monster and this other male coworker have been exchanging 15-20 emails per day going back as far as march. everything before that is erased. but H says she uses the same expressions and pet names with this guy she used with H, the same subjects, (ones designed to evoke pity...her D, her sadly boring vacations)....H commented that "T (male coworker) knows how to write love letters"; said one even said how much he was wanting to see her, that his wife was having an ovarian cyst removed but "all she'll be doing is sleeping". OH Wow. kinda sounds like when I had 2 surgeries during all this and H would take off the day after to go see monster.
H looks kinda sick and shell-shocked. I asked him if he was upset, and he said not really, it just helps to quench any romantic notions a person might have left over (yeah, I know, that "interest" of H's. sigh again). H commented "how could you ever trust anyone like that?" --beats me. Then he said he would bet that if you dug further there are others here, but he's "seen enough". H commented that he believes she is not interested in a relationship, but in the "game", in the chase and conquest and in "beating out" the wife. I told him it reinforces for me my impression that when I feel like she is being discreetly "in my face", that I'm right, it's exactly what she's doing.
That monster used to say how she "didnt feel right" using the company computer to email H (yeah, right, it must bother her terribly) and that she would say she didnt have time to email much ....H said "yeah, right, she was so busy emailing all of us she couldnt keep up".
I asked H why he logged into this particular guys "stuff", and he said "because they're such buddies, I just had a gut feeling" (uh, yeah, duh, I'm real familiar with those). H believes there are/were at least 3 other guys here besides himself and this guy. I'm guessing he's probably right.
I am just amazed. isnt that incredible?????????????????????? sicko
Ellie, you mentioned:
Quote: If you know this guy's wife, do her a favor and got to her with your story. Wouldn't you have wished someone had clued you in earlier so you could have tried to p[rotect your H and your marriage?
I have thought and thought about this. and thought some more. I dont' believe I have ever met his wife. I know his sister -- she was one of S13's teachers, and his mother, she was in a support group I used to facilitate. But have never met his wife. How would I say this to someone I have never even met?????????? I truely don't know.
I am so amazed I can't even think straight. I know there were things about the weekend I was going to post. I want to try to remember them and get them down before I permanently forget.
Quote: I'm glad that every time he does, he keeps finding more evidence to convince him he wasn't that special.
Thank God that's what he's finding. It would be a lost cause if he was finding evidence that she truly was a helpless, lonely single mother hopelessly smitten with the handsome guy in the office next to hers so that she just couldnt help herself. Which is what she told H (yes, that IS the sound of me puking)
I remembered something I was going to post that had slipped my mind; now I feel a bit anxious about it: Tuesday I was home sick with a sinus infection. H was evidently having a slow day, was lonely and called me at home to talk. we talked for 45 minutes, which is a 1st in our marriage I believe. He used to call/email monster when he got lonely, he even told me that. Guess I've kinda screwed up, because at least 2X in the past when I've been home, he has called, and I didnt pick up the phone. knew it was him, trying to be "distant"....anyway, in our convo. he told me this. And he said he "told her I love you". and here's the part that feels kinda scary tonight: evidently monster commented once that h would "never leave until (unless? could have been the word used)she died". H said he had agreed, he would never leave. I remember my mother telling me over a year ago during one of their many dramatic "break-ups" to watch my back. Tonight I find myself thinking "maybe mother was right".
The woman is a bigger nut case than anyone I've ever known.
I'm gonna go home here in a minute. Wonder what H's mood will be like?
I did get an email from him this morning telling me how proud he is of my efforts at working out; nice to have him recognize it. Tonight I've been so dumbfounded I've been binge eating. Only potential salvation is I've been binging on diet jello
I was crying last night when I got home, thinking of how close we came to being apart. H held me and told me it was in the past, several times.
H evidently sent monster and email from the other guys account, calling her a deceitful who-e. So I'm sure that will get fire works going. worrys me.
H said that it was really hurtful to find what he did, he feels like such an idiot, said he was sorry for telling me about it but he had no one else to talk to. H said she is coming on to this guy every bit as strong and with the exact same nicknames/endearments she used with him (hmmmmmmmmm, this guy got a promotion in the past month. can we say gold-digger?)
H didnt sleep, I even thought to myself "I know how this is going to go", and yep I was right...H tossed and turned and woke me up to ml in the middle of the night, still tossed and turned so I didnt get any sleep either. H seemed kinda grumpy this morning.
We are meeting my Dad and brother for lunch in a bit, I hope he's cheered up or it helps him cheer up. tomorrow is his dads bday party. He told MIL "sounds like fun" when she called about it, so I hope he is still enthusiastic. For him to even be willing to do such things is a change, though.
I am sorry you are still going through this. He is so obsessed with her, and I can't imagine why. She sounds horrible. He shouldn't love her or hate her, he needs to be indifferent (to know you are finally home-free on this issue). I wish you both could get different jobs!
Not to mention, isn't he like a therapist at your work? And wouldn't it be against the rules (and ethics) to be going into other email accounts?
And before you go to that guys wife, I personally would go to the guy and discuss this (letting him know that he should stay with his wife, and that Monster is trouble). If he doesn't listen, you should go to the W.
I am sorry you are still going through this. He is so obsessed with her, and I can't imagine why. She sounds horrible. He shouldn't love her or hate her, he needs to be indifferent (to know you are finally home-free on this issue). I wish you both could get different jobs!
Not to mention, isn't he like a therapist at your work? And wouldn't it be against the rules (and ethics) to be going into other email accounts?
And before you go to that guys wife, I personally would go to the guy and discuss this (letting him know that he should stay with his wife, and that Monster is trouble). If he doesn't listen, you should go to the W.
Hi dfb, I'm just now getting back to post, shouldnt even be taking the time now to do that, but.....
Quote: He is so obsessed with her, and I can't imagine why. She sounds horrible. He shouldn't love her or hate her, he needs to be indifferent (to know you are finally home-free on this issue). I wish you both could get different jobs!
Yep, I know, and I totally agree on ALL counts. just letting him get to that point tries my patience to the limits. BUT, I firmly believe that I have to let him get himself there. I can't push or pull him there. He is making huge (well, okay, maybe more like "good sized") progress, but still.........
Quote: isn't he like a therapist at your work? And wouldn't it be against the rules (and ethics) to be going into other email accounts?
Yeppers to the first one; interestingly, to the 2nd one, policy is that ALL personal communication is forbidden, and all email correspondence is company property and subject to monitoring at any and all times. Thus, the guy who's email he got into has no password to protect his account, interestingly. Don't know who'd be in the most trouble, but I suspect it would be the guy who sent the emails more than H for getting into them. oh well.
I have made no move or decision about going to the guy or to his wife. I'm going to update in a minute, and will mention it there.
