Ok, monster related challenges. dfb is right, I don't think things will ever be completely "right" until she is far far gone. sigh.....
There is absolutely no indication that H has any type of R with her anymore other than work-related (and the personal stuff she tries to throw into work emails) but i still find myself sooooo gunshy, easily stirred to anxiousness by any little thing. For example, over our break, I noticed the bottle of lotion that long resided in the garage and drove me nuts was gone from where H had put it on the dresser. I had a hard time not getting stirred up by it. Then I saw it in the trash....actually inspected to make sure it was THE bottle. there had been a 2nd bottle of the same stuff on another shelf in our room, that one's gone too. I asked H about them, saying I was thinking we had a pump bottle of lotion (true) and he said he'd thrown them both away. I never saw the 2nd in the trash, but maybe he did sometime ago and I didnt notice. of course it has bugged the heck out of me that he used that to take off his ring, which he still isnt wearing, for years, and that he had another bottle of it in the computer room which I always believed he used for phone/computer sex. When we were working out, I needed to take off my ring and had forgotten to. I asked if he had any lotion downstairs, and he said there wasnt any...so I went up and got some, but still. I swear to God, I will NEVER buy that stuff again, the smell makes me ill.
I also had to get S13's SS card out of the file drawer in the same computer room. I actually asked H if it was "safe" to go in the room/get stuff. He said "sure"...but then he went and got it for me. I dont' know if that is good or bad, but all these tiny things stir up anxiety that there's still "something" to hide. I would love to get past this.
yesterday I had some teasing emails from H about monster.... One email ended with this:
Quote: Well, I need to get going, I hope you have a decent afternoon, now when you get home put a mile in on the treadmill. See, I’m going to get you shaped up yet! Oh, monster came stomping in while I was talking to B and S. I just really focused on them and totally ignored her, then she really stomped and banged things around, it was kind of funny. I almost expect to get an asschewing for talking to another female, heck I still might. Just makes me love you all the more and appreciate your wisdom and patience. Well, I’d better get going. Your D
I didnt think any of this bothered me. This morning H was talking about the cell phone bill, 3X normal evidently due to the trip to move D and the last payment must have crossed the statement in the mail. H showed me the bill. I noticed 8 pages of the statement were missing. I asked him if he still calls monster, and he blew sky high. very angry. I had tears running down my face but didnt say anything, just got into the shower, and a voice came into my head and said "this is predictable, you know exactly how it will go, soon he will apologize and you will make up" and that's exactly what happened before leaving for work. then I got this email this morning:"Deb; How’s your day going? I am so sorry for being a grump and getting mad this morning. I truly feel I got up on the wrong side of the bed, just don’t feel very good and then just got ugly over nothing. You have every right to feel scared and wonder what is going on with such a bill. The weekend is coming up and we will have some snuggle time. It’s just hard getting back into the swing of work. I do apologize for teasing you yesterday as that just gets you more anxious and there is no need to be. I will stop doing that. Later Your D
Ok, pretty good on that front, I guess. Then about an hour later, I was in the break room in the main building reading board meeting minutes, and in walks monster with one of the other nurses. Decided I was gonna stand my ground and keep on with what I was doing, so I ignored both of them. the bi-ch came and stood right next to me, not 6 inches away, unwrapping and going on about a new popcorn popper. I just acted like she wasn't there. She said to the other nurse "Guess I'll go back" ; Other nurse answered "that was quick"....then someone else came in and she kept hanging around talking about wallpaper. I decided I'd memorize the Damn board minutes rather than leave first....and she left finally. I don't care what happens, she is not gonna run me off anymore. I have as much right to be any darn place in the building as she does, so whatever.
Nasty monster bit-h. I swear the woman is being very aggressive in a passive manner, I'm not sure why, trying to provoke me in some way, again I'm not sure why. Well, I know "why" I just don't what she wants as far as a response. ...although I did email H and he believes she's "expressing her frustration with you" and hoping to cause trouble between the two of us.
I keep hearing the words to a song, don't know who sings it, but H has it & plays it, not even sure of the title, but the phrase is "You can stand me up against the gates of hell and I won't back down". funny how that started playing in my head when monster moved in and now it's stuck there. gotta go to a meeting.
