Update/Journaling:
H and I were off for a week for christmas break, and it was the nicest christmas we have had in a long time, perhaps ever. not materially, but emotionally and relationship wise. Which is kinda weird, because it was very laid back, we didnt do much at all, were extremely lazy, spent a lot of time ML and taking naps and doing NOTHING. House is an absolute messy wreck with stuff out of place since D & SIL moved in, but still it was so nice. H commented on it many times, so I believe he feels the same way.
I've thought a lot about it, and our improved relationship was what made all the difference. You see, christmases before, even pre-A, were very difficult for us for some reason. Unspoken and unmet expectations and resentments, I guess. We used to almost every Christmas eve have a horrible fight. I was never sure what happened, but I would feel so lost and devastated at bed time that night. so sad.

This year was soooo blessedly different. That in itself is an answer to prayers.

There are still many goals I need to work on, I'm giving some thought to those, but things seem to be slowly getting so much better, I believe because H and I are finally after all these years learning how to open up with each other.
It has been a long time coming, and as much as I have a hard time admitting it, I believe it probably wouldnt have happened if not for the A.

There are still some monster related challenges, I'll post about them a bit later, but overall, things are so much better.

One big, huge change happened. Truly amazing.....finally after much much delay, we got H's weight cage completely put together. H loves it and is having a great time with it, and it is a relief to me that he can't drop hundreds of pounds of steel on himself with it. OK, now here's the incredible part....for YEARS, he has insisted that I LEAVE HIM ALONE when he works out. now, he has gone full circle. and is bugging me to work out with him, actually asking me what time of day on the weekend I "want" to work out with him. Designed a routine (is that what you call it?) for me, and has been helping me with form/technique. loaned me a pair of his weight lifting gloves. not that I'm doing much free-weight work, but of course I excepted the "gift" and have even thought the feel kinda sexy.

Unfortunately, I NEED to work out more. I got on the scales yesterday, and it was BAD. I was hoping I read it wrong and got back on this AM, and according to the damn things I gained 5 lbs in my sleep last night. How is that possible?????
I keep hoping I will see some more changes fairly quickly. I am a bit stiff and sore after only 3 workouts. I do have a goal of doing a minimum of a mile on the treadmill each day. I know that doesnt sound like much, but H has the darn thing set at 50% incline and insists I leave it there, and it is surprisingly hard, I sweat to high heaven in just that one mile. So, hopefully.

A kind of funny note....my attitude about sex has certainly changed. I can even send D23 running in shock these days. At my IL's, there's a grab bag drawing for gifts. I got this weird gift....a baby pink fleece stocking cap and gloves to match. woo-hoo! MIL asked if those "would fit?" and I told her "oh sure, I can use them"...at home later, H commented and said they would be fine if you were 5 years old, but he could see on my face that I was "thinking weird thoughts" when I answered MIL about them. So, I told him what I was thinking: that I would wear them with black high heels and dance naked. D23 got this shocked look and said "mother!" and ran from the room as h laughed.

been around awhile!