just got this email: "Wow, I’ve been busy today, everyone is showing. This is the first chance to e-mail really. Just got paged so I got to go. I too love and miss you very much! Later Your D"
planning, strategizing here: in the vein of continuing to focus on the positives and "what works"...H responds SO positively to positive, admiring words and attention. He just laps it up like he is starved for it. Obviously this is somethng he must have to feel loved. I believe this must be what is behind his comment of "you were mean to me for years". God that breaks my heart. I was never mean to him; I was not very expressive of my admiration and appreciation for him, because I did not understand his deep need and it is not my "nature". He must have interpreted that as "being mean" and not loving him. so....I'm going to try to make sure I up the admiration and appreciation, but in a sincere way. I DONT want to be like monster, the phoney b---h. I'm thinking I'm going to pick up a canister of mixed nuts as a treat (one of his favorite things) and mail it to him at his out of town office with a note that says "this is how I feel about you". I know, corny, but....sincere, and i think he'll get a pleasant little "jolt" out of it in several ways.
I'm still working on me....not doing as well yet on the getting back into weight loss and working out, been hard still with the kids moving in, but I'm not giving up on it. I am also working on my wardrobe. I've been going through it, and I'm so disgusted with it. I'm getting rid of almost everything. most of it doesnt fit well and as I look at it now, seems "frumpy". out it goes, and I'll get a few decent things even if I have to wear the same stuff 2X a week. i've kind of gotten my makeup to where I like it, striking but subdued with a hint of "sexy" if I do say so myself. I've gotten several compliments on it. Went a shade darker with my hair, more my natural color, and I like that better. still changing, debating about the style, though. And still looking for the right sexy undies. sigh. the store that I used to get them from closed, and I cant find them online. basically, heavy duty bras that are low-cut and push up.
I will be so glad is (when?) H ever gets past this "hot and cold" wishy washiness. I guess when I look at the long haul though, he is ever so slowly, and we've come a long long way. We are both very different people in a very different M.
I still can't help but wonder what the heck has been going on though. I'm sure I dont' know the whole story. I'm betting that if I wait quietly, it will come out though. I bet it would p--s monster off to no end to know how much H does confide in me.
Oh yeah, thats another thing he said when he was telling me about her proposition last night, that he wouldnt be telling me if he was interested.
