I need to update and get your opinions. I keep "pondering" goings on from the weekend, and I am puzzled, don't know what to make of it. really odd. so, here goes, and I'd sure like to know if anybody sees anything here.
You might remember that I lost it because H was talking about needing to do "paperwork" on Saturday. I see in my previous post from Thursday evening that he was really warm and loving when he came by my office, after a couple of weeks of seeming to be withdrawn and cooler IMO. So, when I got home, H was still warm and friendly. We went to bed a teeny bit early, and snuggled up face to face this time. I don't know what I said to him, something along the lines of how much he means to me, and he was quiet for a while. and then he started crying, and said to me in the saddest, most choked voice, "why weren't you like this before?" I had to ask what he meant...and he said "so loving, you sure make me feel special"....uh, can you say "guilt" as in how I felt when he said that???? but I know I wasnt very warm to him, I was so focused on being "wonder woman" that I really took him for granted, plus I was quite peeved at him for taking me for granted, and didnt hesitate to express my resentment. So, anyway, I tried to explain to him this, and he just sounded so sad. Then he asked the strangest question...."how do you know some one is the love of your life?"...(I've told him this before)and I asked for clarification of what he meant. He said I just wonder, I've asked a lot of people this, and I get different answers, but I'm asking you because you are wise" (????????? yeah, right) so I asked "what do people tell you?" and never got much of an answer other than "A (co-worker getting married) just says she'd never felt this way before"...so I had to think hard what that meant to me...I finally came up with the explanation that being with that person brings a sense of peace and contentment and deep fulfillment that never came with anyone else. H thought a while and said "peace and contentment, that makes sense". We both wound up in tears, and fell asleep in each others arms.
Friday morning before I went to work, he initiated ml, and again Friday afternoon (another sexathon, I guess)
Saturday, H did not go to work. Instead, he stayed home, went for a walk, got home MUCH earlier than he said he would, unfortunately I had gone to run errands and was gone several hours after he got home. H actually busied himself doing some work, such as moving furniture in the kids' bedrooms. I thanked him profusely for that. He did comment that he "needed some down time and we needed some time together" so he decided to let work wait. in the afternoon he went to take a nap while I was cleaning, I went into the bedroom and said "oh, that is so tempting, but I need to get this done", and he said "I wish you would come and lay down with me, I need you to hold me" (weird...........usually this came with weeping spells involving monster) In the night Saturday night, I was almost asleep, and he said in the dark "what did you tell me about knowing someone was the love of your life?" I was so asleep I had to think about it for a minute...he said "I've been thinking a lot about it"; again I told him I believed it meant a sense of peace and contentment and fulfillment, and that also with him (I know this was a bad thing to say) I can't visualize what life would be like without him, that with other people I always could (huh, might have something to do with being married for 27 years). Again he said "peace and contentment. that makes sense". Sunday I kind of neglected him, I was so busy getting the bedrooms rearranged, cleaned, and new curtains up, I didnt even fix him a snack in the evening. he did snuggle me in bed, but we both had a really restless night.
This morning he said "I sure love you" before i said it, and gave me a warm hug and kiss. at 9 am I got a short email that started off with the same thing, and was signed "your D"...have had a couple "chatty" ones...then just a bit ago, I got one asking me if I would ice him down a couple of beers when I get home, that he's sure going to need one. In times past, this also meant problems in monster paradise. I'm not sure what to think about all this, trying to not jump to conclusions. Of course, i'm sure you all know what I'm wondering...........
