I know Mollie, you are absolutely 110 percent right. I just find it was like ripping apart a gash that's been stitched together but not yet healed when his email about working this weekend came just after I had talked myself down from seeing her parked next to him. I know it's in the past, and H swears its done and he's glad, but the hurt is still there, more than I realize when nothing stirs it up.
Some days I actually find her antic funny. This was not one of those days.
Although as I think about it, on the other hand, there are some things he can do to help me get past this and actually showing me the "proof" in black and white is one of them. It just came to my mind the part I was reading in "After the Affair" when it mysteriously disappeared...it talked about the importance of clarifying specifically what it is you need, and then asking for it. It mentioned things like asking the spouse to wear their wedding rind, and to look at the phone bill and credit card statements along with other things. I'm guessing those stuck in my mind because they are issues with me.
So, hummmm, I'm thinking here and confusing myself I think. Your point about driving him away is so valid....and yet there comes a time when he needs to step up to the plate and deliver if he's serious, and make the delivery unmistakable.
I was just thinking that his kidding around about it is insensitive and upsetting, but that is not exactly right either. there are times when I can joke about it and the kidding doesnt bother me and I even kid him a little. but then other times I can't take any reminder of it. One of the books, I think After the Affair, identifies being able to kid about it as a sign of healing. Maybe the issue is that it's not a straight and certain path to "healing" but more of a crooked winding trail with lots of stumbling stones along the way.
I find I seem to be more sensitive this time of year, also, I guess because the hurt was so hard for 2 years between thanksgiving and new years. So maybe it's especially important for me to be tuned in to my own emotional state, and know that I'm probably going to easily overreact for the next month. and because of my over-emotionality, I need to be careful to stay away from anything even remotely connected to talking about the A for awhile. and steer the conversation away if H starts down that path?
I know you're right, who gives a rats a$s where she parks? letting it get to me is giving her way too much power, but still some days......
