Coexisting Gracefully with the Unresolved

[Underdog]

Pink,

I understand what you're saying and agree with you--it's definitely Slowly's job to take care of how she feels. Truer words have never been spoken.

I hope I'm not coming across as a person who is suggesting that she manipulate her H into revealing the contents of his box to make her feel better. In fact, that's not what I'm saying at all.

What I am saying is that she's been having difficulty with how she feels for quite some time. He's not changing his behaviors, and she's no longer able to stuff her feelings into a box and pretend that she doesn't have them.

There's a dynamic present that I see here--and out in the real world--that, quite honestly, I've been guilty of doing myself. And that is pretending that I don't have feelings I do and then working hard at stuffing the resentment because I am afraid that telling someone else how I feel might be the R dealbreaker.

I'm not advocating being messy or unkind. Simply put, what I was trying to illustrate is that sometimes these issues must be discussed... but Slowly doesn't have to accuse her H of doing things that hurt her or even discuss his behaviors. What she CAN do is just tell him how she feels when she walks by and sees the screens switch.

How she feels is the problem, and letting him know why she's insecure at times might be the light cast on a shadow that can illuminate how things he does might not be loving in the context of their M. He's free to do what he chooses--and if he really wants to keep parts of himself to himself, it's certainly his choice.

She's not inviting him to tell him how he feels... just relaying a figurative photograph that is keeping her from moving forward and building trust. Whatever he chooses to do--whether that be to simply listen to her and offer comfort or decide that he needs to be a little more open--is his to make.

I don't think it ever hurts to be honest with others--as long as the intent isn't to manipulate or punish--and to clear the air.

I hope I'm not confusing anyone here either. I'd like to see all of you proceed past your issues of distrust and enter the realm of lives that are intimate and loving--by your definition.

That's all.

Betsey