Coexisting Gracefully with the Unresolved

[Underdog]

Hi Slowly,

It's been awhile for both of us here, so I'm glad you posted an update. Sorry to hear that your time issues have created a dynamic you feel is less than appealing... and I'm glad you have the tools and knowledge to pull yourselves out of the predicament.

But I'm afraid I'm going to provoke the bear in his cave and ask you something, because I'm seeing a recurring pattern and I honestly don't feel that this is beneficial to you (or NG or your M) long term. Here goes:

a couple of times when I walked into the study, NG flipped on to a different screen - I'm sure you can imagine how hyper alert I am to these reminders of the bad days. Thankfully I am able to get the duct tape out, and say nothing. BUT it is definitely festering away, and I need to work it out

BTW, this is not a whack, so I apologize if it comes across this way.

So, Slowly, I've seen you dealing with this issue for some time. By donning duct tape for an issue which is not being resolved on its own, it seems to me that you're trying to pretend that you don't have feelings about an issue that is denying you both of honesty and intimacy.

My question is this: When is it a good time to go to NG and ask (nicely, of course), "Honey, I think it's time I let you know how I feel when I walk into the room and you automatically change computer screens. I feel insecure and fearful that we're not as close as I would like us to be, and I'm asking you to be honest with me."

I think he owes you 1) an explanation for his behaviors; 2) an apology for continuing to engage in secretive behaviors; and 3) an honest attempt at making sure that he's building trust rather than stealing it.

Hope you can find some compromise here, friend.

Betsey