Happy Saturday everyone NG and I are up early, we both have to clear some work, and settle the house down before we take off tomorrow. He has been warning me that there may be a couple of days of late meetings, and I may be on my own for a bit the first week, but seeing we have broadband in the hotel room, I assured him if I get tired of sight seeing, I should still be well entertained. I'm still slightly giddy at the thought of this trip, and I think he is thoroughly enjoying the fact that he made this happy state happen
I get daily emails from http://www.the-generous-wife.com and wanted to share this here, as I think many of us struggle, or lapse into non-listening mode very easily.
I'm going to steal my husband's generous tip from yesterday (he's sharing coaching ideas with the guys too) because it is just such a fine overview.
Below are two acronyms used to help with the "flow" of coaching - I've modified these to be useful for a couple.
GROW - this could be used by a couple to work though problems and create a plan for change:
Goal - what goal do you have. Until you have a common goal, no solution can occur. Reality - what is really happening? How much control do you each have? What has each of you already done to change it? What will happen if there is no change? Options - what can each of you do to change the situation? Build a full list, including things you are feel unwilling or unable to do. Will - what will each of you do now? You may have to go back to reality and options several times.
LAF - this is to help you listen and discuss:
Listen - hear what the other says. Don't think about your reply, or what you will ask next, just hear what is said. Listen not only for the thoughts, but the emotions behind those thoughts. Ask - Ask questions to clarify in both your mind and the other person's mind. Feedback - give feedback. Feedback can include restating (what I am hearing is ...), looking at the bigger picture (step back, see the whole thing), illustrate (word pictures and analogies to clarify), acknowledge (both what is said and the feelings), summarize (try to condense it to the important points).
LAF is not necessarily done L to A to F. The three will be used over and over, in various orders, to get through the various parts of GROW listed above.
A final thought - it's been said that we don't usually hear each other, rather, we interpret each other. Try to be aware of this human flaw, and learn to listen to what is really being said.
The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them. Ralph Nichols
NG and I are up early, we both have to clear some work, and settle the house down before we take off tomorrow. He has been warning me that there may be a couple of days of late meetings, and I may be on my own for a bit the first week, but seeing we have broadband in the hotel room, I assured him if I get tired of sight seeing, I should still be well entertained. I'm still slightly giddy at the thought of this trip, and I think he is thoroughly enjoying the fact that he made this happy state happen 
Slowly
