Happy Tuesday! Hard to believe there are only 5 more days in 2005
Matilda - I shall mosey over to your place, if you have one open for visits. Glad these reviews are helping, I know I'm amazed at what I have forgotten
Andrea - Unfortunately the ups and downs are part of this journey. Sometimes after weeks of highs, an apparently trivial comment can trigger awful memories and the downward spiral can be quite brutal. The tools we build during dbing I think help us anticipate, and therefore manage, these spirals a little better.
amd and Martha - Ha, I knew I was not alone with parental challenges. My mother still treats me like I am 7 years old, which is the age I left home for boarding school. Sigh.
Back to what I think I learnt this year. Here is one from Pen about the art of asking for what I want.
I think there’s a difference between „asking for what you want“ because you deserve it, and “nagging” for something because you’re insecure. Which can be the same thing, by the way. Totally confused yet? As in ….. you can ask NG to talk to you/help with cooking because you deserve not to slave in the kitchen while honey is on the couch (metaphorically) ….. or you can ask him to join you because you feel insecure about your relationship if he doesn’t. One is from a position of strength, the other from a position of weakness. Our spouses pick up on the difference, trust me. Realizing (down to your bones) that you’re a fabulous person and that NG is one lucky fella to have you is the key. So keep doing the stuff that is making YOU feel good about YOU!!
And boy does this work. Every time I present my request on the basis of 'honey, this needs to be done, how can WE get to the end of the task' things go the way I want them to go. And an important point is to focus on one thing at a time. NG really feels overwhelmed when I pile a list on to him.
Take grocery shopping for example. If I mention we need to go to the supermarket, it is a less than positive vibe. If we happen to be out, and I suggest we swing by to pick up a couple of things, well, he is much more comfortable, and mind you, we get exactly the same shopping load done. Timing seems to be critical, as well as managing my requests in bite sized chunks.
Now I'm off to have a fabulous lunch with a dear friend I have been hanging out with since we were both 18.
Slowly 
