Has anyone noticed a pattern here regarding H desire partners often hooking up with L desire partners?
Michelle's book briefly mentioned the irony. I'm beginning to wonder if it is just the way things are or if somehow alot of us start out mildly out of balance but when the issue is brought out in the open, the H desire spouce becomes even more H and the L desire spouse feels pressured and therefore retreats even more?
Another interesting bit of info regarding my own relationships: I was married first to a basically good man. But we got married way to young (I was 16, PG and he rescued my from an abusive home) He had all the right feelings for me from the beginning but I was in no emotional state to be married or to even know how to love. To make a long story short, because he loved me so much and was a good man and good father, I worked HARD at that marriage. I used to think of it as a "marothon marriage". But finally my energy ran out and after our children were nearly grown I had to get out. My point here is that for 23 years, I thought that I just basically didn't like sex. I felt there was something wrong with either me (for not wanting it) or him (for wanting it alot) And the real kicker is that he was one of those men who just LOOOVVVE's a women's body. And really knew how to do things good. Now you would think that would make me want sex too, but it didn't. I was the L desire partner for 23 years living with a H desire. Now the tables are turned, I married my current husband for the most important reason. I Love Him in a way that I didn't believe existed. I know he loves me too. I'm a damned good wife! I've had 23 years of practise at making a relationship work. Only now I see what I was supposed to feel for my first husband. I like sex! wow, what a shocker. If my first h new the way I am with 2nd h, he would not believe it. The irony is that my 2nd has all the hang ups about natural sexual responses and is the exact opposite of the 1st. He is a wonderful man and a great husband out of the bedroom, but God! our sex life sucks! sometimes I wonder if this is my punishment for not making my 1st marriage work. I know this is not a healthy thought and here's one more unhealty thought: Maybe my 2nd doesn't really love me the way he should. I didn't even know love felt like this till i met 2nd. Maybe he just thinks he loves me. Compared to his 1st W, I'm a saint. So maybe I have him now through a kinda "default". (like, well this is the nicest, prettiest, most honest woman I've ever had so I must love her)
Does any of this make sense? love to hear what anyone thinks.
