I keep thinking that I should feel bad or sad that H avoided me this morning in our own house and that we never even said good morning or saw each other for even a minute. But I don't feel that way, I feel weird or different, but not bad. Maybe just lonely, and sad for that.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Glad I could make you laugh, I wasn't sure if it was funny or not, so I'm glad it came off as funny to someone.
I did break silence today with H. I am working on mortgage stuff, we have a variable rate that keeps going up, so I called about options and I thought for something of this importance I had better be courteous enought to make a phone call to H, voice mail, he called back. We agreed on what to do. Mortgage guy called back, and the REALLY good news is the monthly payment will actually go DOWN more than a couple hundred a month. Waahoo!! am I telling H? uhah, not unless he asks. Here's a side note - each month when I make the payment I round up to even numbers. Ex - if it's 4.78 I'd pay 5.00, if it's 5.35 I'd pay 5.50. (reality numbers are much larger ) Because of that little extra every month and paying off principal, we're ahead on payments which will result in lower amounts now. Just when I really need it too. Merry Christmas to me, Merry Christmas to ME, MERRY Christmas to ME!!!!
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Oh Opti, you just don't what a relief this is for me. Not only will the payment stop going up each month, it means there will be a few extra $100's each month. Now if I can get a few of these other things I am working on to come in line....
Not only is it just a money matter, I feel so good because I am doing something, I am getting something accomplished, I am taking a direction, it is so positive for me. Now, I don't feel any of this is being done or said in a bad way. I've always handled the majority of these types of things, but I've been so stifled by everything else going on that I was just existing and not functioning properly to be capable to do what I've always done. I am changing that ever so little by little, to get back to the real me, to regain my confidence in myself to do these things without wondering what the repercussions will be from H. I am finding my way out from under the blanket that was over me.
So, after what started out to be a very weird morning and proceeding day, it got weirder. I worked a little late tonight, so I got home about 45 minutes late from town. H was home! Now folks, that hasn't happened in months! I don't know if it has meaning, or if it just means that in these frigid temps he can't do his normal work and finally ran out of excuses to be gone somewhere. So, I walked in and continued with a comment he had made about being cold and windy while we on the phone earlier. It worked, no tension in our night. H helped with stuff outside, we even worked together a little bit and I suggested a few changes to think about to make things easier and save electricity, and then he cut out early to go skiing. Said he was leaving, I said ok, then he turned to look at me, said see ya later, I said uhhuh, he looked at me a little more, and then walked away to leave. Something a little weird about that but I can't quite figure it.
Then, I went and met a few new friends for coffee and pie. Neat! and it turned out that I combined it to also meet a customer that needed some supplies from us, so it was a double duty trip.
And here I am, feeling pretty dang good about me. Just me, I don't have a clue about all the rest of this mess, but feeling pretty good about ME. I hope it can last.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Yeaahhh! I'm so glad you had some nice things to day WCW!
Quote: Said he was leaving, I said ok, then he turned to look at me, said see ya later, I said uhhuh, he looked at me a little more, and then walked away to leave. Something a little weird about that but I can't quite figure it.
Lots of good signs... esp. those about YOU!! So easy to not put enough effort into GAL and in the end it is key: for our own sanity and to make ourselves the desirable confident people that will make our spouses sit up and take notice!
Yeah You!!
PS Kiwi's gazelle analogy is sooo right on. I had never thought of it but it makes perfect sense with your H and mine. (esp. with your Hs history the last few years on the doing chores and tasks front!) We need to remind each other to reward those positive little acts!!
brava
Me: 36 He: 34 no kids Married: 2000 He left: July 05
Maybe? I don't know. He was a good 10 or 15 feet away already. We have had no physical contact for a couple of weeks except maybe for fingers touching if I hand him his refilled coffee cup. We barely even talk. We haven't kissed in 2005. Hugs have only been when I've asked. And this was a sign for a hug and a kiss? hhhmmm. Do you suppose it's been so long that he's shy about it? Maybe, he was pretty shy about it when we first met, I was the one that started the hugs then. But he is going to have to be a little stonger with a signal before I'll make that misread again. I've been working real hard on shutting down my need for physical touch, can't open that door again right now. H slammed it shut, I'll keep it shut for a while longer.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Hey, WCW. Remember my suggestion the other day about smacking his rear-end when he is on his way to the shower and then breezing on out of the room?
You want a kiss? Go get one! Pounce...give him a big one and then split. Don't wait for his reaction and if he acts like he wasn't pleased about it afterwards then just raise your eyebrows, harumph, and then head outside to the barn or something and let him stew in it. You seem to be in pretty good spirits the last couple of days so I'm sure you can handle it if he acts like an ass about it. And, hey, maybe he will like it.
Kiwi, I just don't know I can right now. There's maybe a few little bitty thingys that show some signs. Like we both stood in the kitchen close to each other this weekend, tonight he didn't act like I had leprosy but we weren't exactly close. Right now, I'm not headed back there. I'll look for something more definate. I'm feeling good about some other things that are positives, I want to keep feeling that a while longer. Maybe it will even last all night and I'll wake up good tomorrow too! But the Packers sure suck again tonight.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
) Because of that little extra every month and paying off principal, we're ahead on payments which will result in lower amounts now. Just when I really need it too. Merry Christmas to me, Merry Christmas to ME, MERRY Christmas to ME!!!! 
