Hey, just wanted to point something out that might be a positive. Remember a couple of weeks ago when it seemed like your H started thawing out a bit? I wonder if perhaps you are right about your H hearing your comment about helping out with chores and that is precisely why he came out to help? That would certainly be a baby step. In hindsight from my own situation, we aren't the only ones that need to work on our R skills. The lead-up to a divorce takes fault on both sides...ours and the WASes. It seems that most of the time the WASes don't spend much time improving their R skills (They chose to walk, right?) but, even if acts of service aren't one of your LLs, you still needs some help around the farm and perhaps he has, knowingly or not, picked up on a way that he can express love to you? He may not have the same jargon(LLs, etc.) as the folks here on the board but maybe he is getting some of the same ideas on his own? Or starting to? And if you start seeing little signs of him picking up his responsibilites on the farm again then it might be time to consider whether the acts of services things, in addition to physical affection, is one of *his* LLs?
Trying to put myself in the place of a WAS, I would think that little acts of service and things like that are more likely to be the first steps back into an R than hugs and words of affection and that kinda stuff. They present less of an, um, risk if you will...not as much risk of rejection, less likely to trigger arousal(no, not sexually!) in LBS, less emotional effort on the part of WAS. Heh, here's some mental imagery for you...you ever see those nature films where the Thompson's gazelles go down to the river's edge to get a drink and are skittishly looking for the crocodile the whole time and the slightest little disturbance will send them bounding off into the bushes? Now we all know that there is no crocodile in the situation, but does he? Just a quick drink and then back to the bushes to build up more confidence for the next trip?
Hmm...sometimes I wish I had bigAl's gift of language so that I could be more direct about things but I hope that you get the general drift of what I'm trying to say. You seem to be in a pretty good place right as far as the detaching lovingly goes...I would think that is also right where you need to be to spot some baby steps and react in a way that might draw him in a bit.
