Hanging on/The Long Haul

[WCW]

Just venting about thoughts I've been having -
I want to have a heart to heart with H, that is, assuming he still has one. I want to say that every day I feel like my life is being wasted, every day we flounder around in this limbo while we could be being so productive. I want to say sh*t or get off the pot. I want to say that 3 years ago when I had surgery and still in stitches and missing female parts for the first time in my life that I could have used some emotional support from you to get thru that. Sure, you were there physically by my side, it all looked so good to everyone, but where were the hugs and reassurances that I would be okay, that you would still love me being incomplete. What I got was a guy that said lets have sex, it won't hurt you even though the doctor says not yet. And then when I was hurting and recovering physically and emotionally, I didn't give freely, and you pulled away, and it all escalated, until it was all my fault that you weren't taken care of all these years of our marriage. After all, you did say I was the worst you ever had. Thanks again. It's time to fix our feelings and move on, it's time to start fresh, with or without each other. Either way will not be easy, alone or together, we are strong and will survive. What is the best way for us to survive? Run from our probems and our marriage, let them linger over us for a lifetime? Or learn how we can be better people and grow ourselves to being in a complete and whole marriage?
End of imaginary conversation.

This morning I was thinking about H's explanation of a breaker box and wiring he gave me last night. I think his breaker is off. It's just one wire that doesn't have the current flowing thru it, but the ground is still working (me) and the nuetral is still connected (the ranch), it's just the hot wire that is disconnected (H). I have to figure out to flip his breaker back on to complete the circuit . Two out of three isn't so bad when I think about it this way.