Lots of views and opinions on opening up about all this to people or keeping quiet, I still have to ponder on it. The other problem I have is when I start talking to anyone about it I turn into a bluthering idiot and can't keep the tears back. Doesn't help much.

Things have warmed up just a degree or two around home. Last night I talked to a friend about getting together for our monthly moonlight ride, and we thought an impromptu ride last night would be fun. Being a couples thing we've always done, I called H and asked if he would like to come too, it was almost 6pm by this time. I didn't expect him to answer, so when he did I was caught off guard, but I asked if he'd like to come, and he said NO, I just said okay then, and then he said that he'd almost been in the ditch a couple times already and wasn't going anywhere once he got home. I said the roads must've got pretty bad since I came home, what direction is he? he said 'I'm almost home and gotta get both hands back on the wheel." So, the + is that he explained himself instead of just a FAT NO. Later the friend called that invited us, and she talked about the bad roads too, and I mentioned H said how bad they were, and while on the phone with her I asked what roads he was on, he waved his arm and said "that way, I don't know where I was." Gee, that's funny, this is a guy that brags about how he's driven over 1.5 million miles around the US, and can go somewhere once and drive there forever again, but tonight he didn't know where he was? Funny.

I was still outside by one of the water tanks when he came strolling up, and I said this mare won't drink from the tank, so I offered her some water from a bucket and she drank it. We discussed electricity then, and I got a short lesson on breaker boxes, which I did appreciate. I also said that electricity scares me, and I know it kills people, so H was very good with his explanation of electricity, but it didn't solve the problem with why the mare wouldn't drink from the tank. We went on to shoveling in front of the house, H made another comment about the 'bird dog' but I was smart enough to keep my mouth shut this time. Got inside and we had some more conversation about the amount of hay being fed, and H opened up about his morning doing chores and how mad he got at the cows,etc. That's a first in a long time!

Also yesterday I sent H a txt about Christmas gifts, and if he planned on getting anything for kids, and if it would be from both of us. He replied that he was planning on something, but over the next few messages he never would say yes or no to 'joint' gifts. Still limbo about that.

The cell phone bill was laying open on the table last night. I looked. Whew! H talks a lot, no surprise. No suprise for me to see either that he NEVER calls OW anymore. But all those incoming calls that don't show a from number that rack up the time doesn't fool me at all. Txt mssge isn't detailed on the bill, although it could be, and I do know that H will send her a txt and then she will call him.

I was really bushed last night, went to bed early, said good night but didn't get a response. Maybe I didn't say it loud enough.

Making plans to reconnect a little with a friend over the holidays. She has off the whole week between, so I hope I can squeeze out of work too and we can get together. A little at at time.....

Cookie day tomorrow!!

Live your life while you are still living.
Riding the trail less traveled.