Hanging on/The Long Haul

[NNP1965]

I've been struggling lately with keeping up the appearances, and have viewed it as the best way to keep H from moving on, don't give him ammunition of 'everyone knows anyway, no use staying here'.

I can totally relate to this way of thinking. I am pretty certain that of the times my H wanted to leave I would have just been making it easier for him to do so if I had gone public.

It is a very hard call and feel for you WCW, I think too that the longer things go on the harder a call it is and will be.

That reminds me also, when H was wanting to leave last year he told me he wanted us to say this was a mutual decision when we told our kids. I looked at him like he had two heads, I could not fathom him expecting me to lie to my children and tell them everything I had ever taught them about committment and marriage vows was a lie and did not apply to me.

H immediatley got furious that I did not respond how he wanted me to. I had no idea what was the best way to tell them and I had no plans of hurting them more than I had to by saying anything bad their Dad, but I also knew there was no way in hell I could sit in front of them and make them believe that a divorce was something I wanted.

I count my blessing everyday I never had to have that conversation.