Hi there lady Can I say that I know where you are? Not that I've lived your life, but I may have lived a portion of it the first 12 years of our marriage. So, I'm gonna share some of my "stuff" from back then. And yet again, it might be anti-DB, my 10 cents, and take it for what it's worth.
For the first 12 years, H and I had probs that I kept hidden as much as possible. I helped him to create the image of the happy couple, beautiful family. Over time as things began to fall apart between us, I busted my *ss to do everything possible to make him happy. I thought that there must be *something* wrong with me and if I could just find the right combination of *me* traits and put them together, he'd get a clue and love me back the way I needed to be loved. He'd stop being cold. He'd stop rejecting me if I could somehow become irresistable, and well, perfect. To everyone looking in, we got along fabulously. Nothing ever went wrong in our lives that we couldnt handle. But behind closed doors, it wasnt that way. Over time, my self esteem decayed because I couldnt find the right combination of stuff, and he wasnt giving me a clue what to do either. Then he started to unravel and cause BIG problems in our M. It came to a point where we existed here, much like you do with your H, only I wasnt as sweet as you and the tension was awful.
It finally got so bad and I got so so so lonely and lost hope. I reached out to a friend because I was at the end of my rope. That friend was shocked, but also relieved. Because she loved me, and being my friend, she knew something was not right, but I never opened up and let her in. Let me tell you, that was the end of my loneliness when I opened up and shared the truth of our happy little family. I found out that people didnt think I was a failure, and they didnt hate me or my H. Friends wanted to help and lift me up. H and I divorced and it was only through my close circle of friends that I made it. It was such a freeing thing. I didnt go through the days wondering what was wrong with me and what I could do because I could talk to someone and be reassured that it wasnt me and that I was loved.
WCW, my life has never been the same since I stopped living a lie with the people in my life and stopped protecting my H's image. I didnt ever set out to destroy that image, but I refused to support an illusion that he couldnt contribute to. And, being real with our friends opened the door to so much love and support for both of us. And, he did have to answer for some things and begin to think of how he acted and what people would think because he knew I was no longer going to hide things. Our friends would ask him what's going on and he'd have to answer. And for the first time, I wasnt the only one telling him that he has a beautiful family he needs to take care of.
I wish I could really explain what a difference that made to me personally. I lived in fear of what people would think and that if I told someone it would become real. Well, it was real anyway. The freedom was in admitting it.
Just some thoughts, for what they're worth.
H is having a battle with the babies so I've got to go.
Can I say that I know where you are? Not that I've lived your life, but I may have lived a portion of it the first 12 years of our marriage. So, I'm gonna share some of my "stuff" from back then. And yet again, it might be anti-DB, my 10 cents, and take it for what it's worth.
