Hanging on/The Long Haul

[WCW]

I've said that to H, over the last 1.5 years. No effect. I've asked him to help me work on this. No effect. I haven't said anything like that for a while, or I don't think I have. I know that we can fix this if he would just start giving it a try, but he won't now, even though in late summer and fall I really felt like we were making it. We had that big event in October that I was organizing for the group that H is chairman of, I can't help but think that he 'kept me happy' at home so that I wouldn't junk that event and it would make him look bad. It was right after that he pulled the big hunting trip boner and spent gobs of money again. All down hill since then. And, I should throw in that was ow's birthday too and he's being pulled her direction.

So, as Scottisheart said - IT'S ALL ABOUT ME NOW. (Where is she anyway? I sure miss her smiling comments.) I still feel so sad about all of this, with anxiety about what the future holds, but I can't sit around forever without a stitch of a clue from H about anything. I don't mean I intend to pressure him about us or R, but there are decisions about day to day, month to month, year to year life that I can't keep ignoring. With or without him, I have to make decisions to stay in the game of surviving life in the best way possible.

Mom update - she is feeling okay today and has a follow up appointment with her doctor on Friday. My mom really is the best.

I'm just so damm lonely.