Hanging on/The Long Haul

[WCW]

Thanks donH, you are probably very right about many things, I need to face the facts. H was not always this way, he used to be such a great person, and to so many people he still is a great guy. It's just me he drags thru the dirt, and I let him.

H was home actually fairly early tonight, seemed in a good enough mood and asked me if I had decided on a digital camera. ??? I haven't mentioned anything to him, but he saw some info I had laying on the table. We talked about it, I asked if he wanted to go halves, he said no, that's not what he wants to do but he would put some money towards it. I asked what he wanted? H sold his old camera a year or two ago, and said since then he has been saving for a good digital. He wants to spend big bucks. Makes sense doesn't it?
I still had to change clothes to go out and do chores, and went to the bedroom. Reality check - H cleaned out a bunch more stuff today, another kick in the gut. He even vaccuumed the floor. Big breath, I changed clothes and came out and asked if that meant anything. He never really answered, but some of the personal stuff he put in his shop trailer and the jar of change he cashed in at the bank. I asked if there was anymore discussion he wanted to have, and he had quite a few facial expressions but no words came out.

Fast forward to now, we are back inside. I went to the bedroom and cried a bit, trying to figure out what I am going to do tonight. I've been sleeping there alone for so long already, but now with so much more of his stuff missing I don't want to sleep there tonight, or anymore. It's such an empty feeling. I sat for a while trying to figure out a plan, I don't have one yet. Seems silly to sleep in the living room or on a couch, that's where H sleeps. If I decide to leave I don't know that he would even ask what I am doing, so if I decide to walk out I better be sure and not plan on coming back. Is this HIS ultimatum? I've mentioned how hard it is coming home and finding things missing, that he packs up a few things at a time. And this is exactly what he did again, a little more visual this time. Intentionally because he knows how much it hurts me. He sure hit his target again.