Quiet enough tonight. Relief. It only took H about two hours to make the 35 minute trip home from our friends, but maybe he had some other stops that I wasn't aware of, obviously. I was finishing up outside, and he pitched in and helped, chatty enough about critters etc... We came inside, and not a word since. I couldn't figure out the GFI outlet that I bought a replacement for, electricity scares the gajeebers out of me, I felt overwhelmed and just put it back in the box. Later H went back and was rousting around, I assume he installed it, I haven't checked and he hasn't said. Oh wait, some words, he did ask if I wanted any heated up leftovers, I passed. This week is good for the diet if nothing else, appetite isn't much.

I also learned that my (step) dad had another stint put in today. He had heart bypass twice a few years ago, and last week started having some chest pain again. I sure wish that grumpy old wonderful man would let us know ahead of time instead of after the fact. I told my mom that too, but I understood that's how they want it.

HHmmm, H just slugged down some Rolaids again.
He hasn't asked about the white car not being around.

The woman that H loved and married - I am that woman. I am loyal, dependable, responsible, funny, witty, warm, caring, loving, hard working, not hard on the eyes. I am not as independent as I was then, I do think being married makes it easy to be codependent on your spouse, and I got used to joint decisions while I tried to so hard to make H feel like this place was as much his as mine even though I was here first. He said that part would not be or become an issue, but he does throw it at me every once in a while. I'm not whiny, but I am confused and bewildered, which leads to lack of confidence to make decisions and carry on conversations with H. He is the only person that intimidates me to silence. Does H still want now the same type of woman he married? I'm not so sure, maybe more adventure and without so much responsibility holding her back.

Personal goals -
1 -work on major volunteer projects I am behind on, deadlines looming
2 -keep plugging away at house work, reclaim pieces at a time
3 -get horse therapy (ride, ride, ride)
4 -get things going smooth at work again so I can take time off and do 1,2,3
5- regain my confidence in dealing with H and R issues

Live your life while you are still living.
Riding the trail less traveled.