If you've ever read my thread then you know that I'm in a pretty screwed up place with whether to save my R with H or not, so this is just plain old simple advice, not from DR and zenmaster will probably whoop me for it, but here goes!
I've read your thread every day for a long time. You're a wonderful, strong, vibrant, positive, caring, loving, hard-working, funny.. get the picture? woman! You love your H more than any woman I know on God's given earth. Seriously, if you've ever read my whining and moaning, you know you take "love is a verb" to a level that's amazing compared to others. You have the patience of Job. And I'm saying this because I havent seen you let yourself die.. I've seen you live superbly in a bad situation. I'd hate to see any of what you've shown to us here on the BB die, because YOU are a special person. Ten cents: If you have to let something die in you, let the love for your H die, and don't you dare start being someone that you're not because of how he's acting! Can you focus DBing on yourself... really and truly on YOU for awhile? We all do a whole lot of acting in what we think are different ways, improving, and then monitoring our S for their reaction to see if it's helping to bring them closer to us. That's a good thing, but when it's the only goal, it leaves us living a life that's controlled by what our S does and how they react.
What do YOU want to do? Seriously, if your H wasnt in your life, what would you do to make yourself happy today? Can you start doing that and re-capture some of those parts that you feel are dying? Maybe your H looks at you and sees a woman that is living her days for him, and that in itself is needy and pursuing. Not that you're running after him begging, pursuing, snooping etc, because you're not. But this man knows you well. Are you the person he married? When he looks at you does he see a whole, happy, healthy picture of the woman that he fell in love with, or does he see a woman that's been dragged through the ringer by him and is desperately trying to hold on and make it work?
I'm not suggesting that you do anything drastic to push him away, or force a decision. I'm only saying that GAL is for more than to just figure out what will earn back our S love. It's for us and for getting back who we are and living our life in a way that might draw the other person back because our presence is a positive force in their life.
If H has decided to not decide or decided to go cold then that's his decision. Please please let your light shine and don't let him take such a warm loving woman to antartica with him.
I hope I didnt offend you. Like I said, I'm really not one to give advice, but I just feel so strongly that you can live a good life for you, and if it doesnt bring your H back, nothing would have done that. And, I don't think your idea about the trailer was necessarily a bad one. You read Love Must Be Tough (in fact, I read it because it helped you!) Maybe give it some thought.. what does Michele say about evalutating if what you're doing is helping the situation? You've been so consistent with how you treat your H.. is it time yet to re-evalutate or do ya have some more in you? It seems to be taking its toll on you. Again I say this with affection and no criticism at all.. you've kept a focus through this that I personally havent found the strength to maintain.
