Well, well. Time ticked by last night, well after the time H should have been home. I oscillated between going to bed or going for a drive. Sub zero temps, I opted for a drive. I thought if nothing else I’d clear the frost from the windows of the car and H would notice when he got home, ‘create mystery/180 theory’.
I'm sort of ambivalent about 180s/mystery that have a chance of making a spouse jealous. I know that there were several times when I was still living with my then W and I stayed out late just because I couldn't stand the tension at the house and she ended up accusing me of stuff...the stuff that she was doing...e.g. persuing an affair. If I had to go back, I would only do 180s/GALs that I was sure were going to make me feel better and not even consider how my W would react. That is detachment. IMHO, 180s/GALs that are done with *any* motivation of making the spouse jealous are probably harmful. My understanding of DBing, at least in retrospect, can be boiled down to "bring as much positive energy to the situation as possible" and inciting jealousy...I don't know. But that is just my opinion and what do I know? I'm batting oh-for-one.
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bed. Do I wait and talk? Or get in bed? I got in bed. I wanted to hear about his skiing, but he never came and offered information, or asked me anything but I didn’t figure he would, and by this time I was thinking I’ve screwed up enough tonight and just leave it alone. But then I heard some noise, and the dogs started barking, so I got up to see if critters were lurking. H was on his laptop, asked if things were okay outside, I said I didn’t see anything and went back to bed. Got back up, asked H if he would come warm my feet up, I was really cold, and he could tell me about skiing. He gave a 4 sentence version of his night, said he needed to get in skiing shape again. I offered a massage, he said that wouldn’t help. I said I’d wear pajamas if he was afraid of something happening, he said he wasn’t afraid of anything. I asked if the ski hill stayed open late tonight, he said not that he knew of, I said oh, I didn’t think the roads were that bad (referring to him being home so late). He said, oh yeah? (I could hear sarcasm coming) I went back to bed. Slept fitfully with my babysitter the rest of the night, the TV.
Please, WCW, takes this as constructive criticism. I think you started out well by fighting to do the "act as if" thing even though you didn't feel like it but the question about the hill staying open late probably came off as nagging or implying that you thought he might have been out with OW.
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Today at work I was emailing and the auto list popped up of options, and OW’s name was there. It was too tempting for me to avoid, I sent an email. Very nice, really, here it is - Good Morning……..your name popped up from the list of ~~~~~ in my email as I was sending something to the HR department, and I thought……oh what the heck………it’s the Christmas season. So, Merry Christmas!
How’s things going? Keep hearing about your new place, you’re sure the talk of many communities. Were you expecting such celebrity status? Sounds like (H) has still been a great source of support for you. I’d love a tour sometime too! And to see your puppies. Well, I suppose they’re hardly puppies anymore, time goes so fast. TTFN
Now maybe this is real dumb to do, but one thing I keep thinking about was H said when I found him leaving her place and we were talking about her being a wedge between us, he said ‘it doesn’t have to be’. Never got more of an explanation from him, but if this woman is really nothing more than a friend then I’ve always maintained that I shouldn’t be a problem for them either and no reason not to include me in their dealings. Afterall, H says they’ve done nothing wrong or nothing to feel guilty about.
Whoa! WCW! I'll bet he is going to be p*ssed when he finds out about this! You had to know that regardless of whether you had good intentions and regardless of what he has said about OW that this was going to come off as "crazy W nosing around in my business"!
Okay, Wonka has referred to someone else on the board occassionally breaking out the frying pan to smack someone who has done something stupid. I'm breaking out the frying pan.
Do you *want* a divorce?
No, really, I mean it!
Several times in the last couple of days you have mentioned that having a direction and some closure such as situations like mine and like BigAls, even if it means D, is better than being in limbo. You've also expressed doubts as to why you ever got involved with your H in the first place. Maybe you are back on the downward slope of the rollercoaster, I don't know, but I'm going to tell you something that I'm pretty sure about, WCW. I don't know if you are consciously doing it, but I really think you are trying to sabotage what remains of your M just to get some closure.
Think about it. Am I right? Is this really what you want?!?!
I'm sorry if that comes off as harsh but I would rather you were mad at me because I'm wrong or presumptious than you do something that you may regret down the road.
