Hanging on/The Long Haul

[WCW]

Well, well. Time ticked by last night, well after the time H should have been home. I oscillated between going to bed or going for a drive. Sub zero temps, I opted for a drive. I thought if nothing else I’d clear the frost from the windows of the car and H would notice when he got home, ‘create mystery/180 theory’. I feel stupid playing such games but I’m always sitting around waiting for him to come home. Turns out I drove back in the driveway right in front of him, not exactly my first choice to happen, but no where else to go unseen at that point. Went in the house, H took quite a while to park and get stuff from his truck, and by that time I was ready for bed. Do I wait and talk? Or get in bed? I got in bed. I wanted to hear about his skiing, but he never came and offered information, or asked me anything but I didn’t figure he would, and by this time I was thinking I’ve screwed up enough tonight and just leave it alone. But then I heard some noise, and the dogs started barking, so I got up to see if critters were lurking. H was on his laptop, asked if things were okay outside, I said I didn’t see anything and went back to bed. Got back up, asked H if he would come warm my feet up, I was really cold, and he could tell me about skiing. He gave a 4 sentence version of his night, said he needed to get in skiing shape again. I offered a massage, he said that wouldn’t help. I said I’d wear pajamas if he was afraid of something happening, he said he wasn’t afraid of anything. I asked if the ski hill stayed open late tonight, he said not that he knew of, I said oh, I didn’t think the roads were that bad (referring to him being home so late). He said, oh yeah? (I could hear sarcasm coming) I went back to bed. Slept fitfully with my babysitter the rest of the night, the TV.

This morning we had some conversation about the breaking news and cold weather. H was in the shower when I left, I told him there was at least one cow outside the fence to put back in.

Today at work I was emailing and the auto list popped up of options, and OW’s name was there. It was too tempting for me to avoid, I sent an email. Very nice, really, here it is - Good Morning……..your name popped up from the list of ~~~~~ in my email as I was sending something to the HR department, and I thought……oh what the heck………it’s the Christmas season. So, Merry Christmas!

How’s things going? Keep hearing about your new place, you’re sure the talk of many communities. Were you expecting such celebrity status? Sounds like (H) has still been a great source of support for you. I’d love a tour sometime too! And to see your puppies. Well, I suppose they’re hardly puppies anymore, time goes so fast. TTFN

Now maybe this is real dumb to do, but one thing I keep thinking about was H said when I found him leaving her place and we were talking about her being a wedge between us, he said ‘it doesn’t have to be’. Never got more of an explanation from him, but if this woman is really nothing more than a friend then I’ve always maintained that I shouldn’t be a problem for them either and no reason not to include me in their dealings. Afterall, H says they’ve done nothing wrong or nothing to feel guilty about.

‘Tis the season for the reason.