You're brave enough lady! I think it's great how you sent him a text message and told him he's handsome. Because you wanted to and it's sweet and also because a little reminder isn't pursuing. It seems as if your H just wants to drift apart and away, but you're not making that easy for him. Good for you!!
You are such an inspiration to me, thanks for sharing your life WCW. Huggs to you!!
If you wanna go skiing, I say you should just do it!
Just wanted to say that I think you are doing much better as of late and I'm *so* glad to read about it. Great idea on the deodorant and all of that stuff. I know that kind of thing probably seems trivial but it's my opinion that that little day-to-day stuff is as important, if not more important, to a relationship as all of the nights out/romantic dinners and such.
One other thing...you might be right about the OW putting some pressure on him. Great! Strategically, she couldn't be doing it at a better time for you! You are back on your horse...being positive, doing loving things for him without expectations, maintaining a level head but not being a doormat. In other words, you are being a strong, caring, worthy person while she is being needy and pressuring him!
Really, I can't tell you how much of a lift it gives *me* to know that you have gotten out of your rut and are feeling good again!
Keep up the great work! You can look back in the last couple of weeks and know that you are incredibly strong. A rock.
Hi Sheila! Brave enough? is that to say I want to go skiing or to brave the sub zero temps? but thanks for the encouragement! I'm glad you think my txt mssge wasn't pursuing, I get all gajumbled up sometimes about what is or isn't okay. But I do know one of H's big hangups is that he thinks our physical sex was seldom, and I thought his shower last night was a good time time to remind how Sunday nights used to be so good.......
Quote: It seems as if your H just wants to drift apart and away, but you're not making that easy for him.
That sounds good and bad! That's been said before, I'm a hard woman to walk away from. Must be true, H is still here.
This was on another thread Quote: learning to co-exist with the unresolved
I was having these same thoughts for myself. Maybe my life/marriage/relationship is as good as it's going to get for awhile, and I have to just accept it rather than push it and end up in the wrong direction. I need to get thru this new set of holidays, and quit thinking it will be our last together. Last year I was sure it was the last year together, and here I am, a year later, still thinking the same thing. I guess that is good, especially because we had lower lows this year but we also had higher highs than the year before.
I need to keep my frame of mind on together forever and not together until January. Yes, I will continue to be a hard woman to leave!
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
That is right, the more the OW pushes, the more she pushes him right back at you. Pretty classic! Remember to count your baby steps, no matter how small they seem.
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Quote: In other words, you are being a strong, caring, worthy person while she is being needy and pressuring him!
I've been thinking a lot about this exact thing. H and I were unloading hay yesterday, and I kept thinking about OW and her place. I've heard her place cost over 1mm, and she's doing things that she needs H to help her with?? What I DO know for sure about my H is that he doesn't like to be burdened with someone needing him to do projects unless he is ready to do them, on his time and schedule. Like moving that gravel pile yesterday, if I would have said one word about it then the pile would have stayed frozen in the yard all winter unless I did something. I didn't say anything, and he moved it. So she calls him up and he has to run to her place, and now instead of being snug and cozy in an apartment without a care in the world she has responsibilities and commitments and needs and has to be out in the cold too. Her place might be fancy and worth a lot of money, but the daily work and grind is the same. He doesn't get out of anything by going there to bust his butt for her. I hope SHE doesn't figure that out.
Quote: Really, I can't tell you how much of a lift it gives *me* to know that you have gotten out of your rut and are feeling good again!
Thank you ZenMan, you're the best. It always gives me a lift to see a post from you. Would you save me the trouble of looking back, post your blog spot again? or can I be so forward to ask - email?
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Her place might be fancy and worth a lot of money, but the daily work and grind is the same. He doesn't get out of anything by going there to bust his butt for her.
There certainly is an interesting dynamic between you two, isn't there? Well, it would be interesting if it weren't so painful. :\
It's hard to say anything without knowing him but it seems that he straddles this line between needing independence and needing someone to need him. Give him too much independence and you are cold and ask too much of him and he pushes away. I would guess that there is some kind of "man issue"/MLC mixed in there in regards to his W taking care of him after his accident too.
I wish I could give you the answer. I feel like I'm perhaps just starting to understand the questions.
Thank you ZenMan, you're the best. It always gives me a lift to see a post from you. Would you save me the trouble of looking back, post your blog spot again? or can I be so forward to ask - email?
Sure, but I have to warn you, as with most blogs, I'm actually pretty boring when it gets right down to it.
ZenMan = porn superstar! I've been missing it! List one, I'll go rent it. Couldn't figure out how to contact you off that page, yet.
between you two You need to explain 'which two'?
You're pretty right about man issue/mlc/straddling the fence/independence/need to be needed/pushing away........and I bet you think I'm wishywashy. Geez, who said a woman can't make up her mind?
But I have to say, I've thought about this morning, and H coming in the bathroom when I was still in there. In normal times, that's nothing unusual. But in recent weeks/month, he hasn't come even close! Last night I sent him a txt, this morning he undresses for the shower while I'm standing there in my robe......did I miss a chance? or was that a test to see if he could come close to me? I sooooo wanted to touch him and hug him, I didn't, and he disappeared behind the shower curtain.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
You're pretty right about man issue/mlc/straddling the fence/independence/need to be needed/pushing away........and I bet you think I'm wishywashy. Geez, who said a woman can't make up her mind?
Not at all. Egshells...been there myself, remember?
Quote:
shower while I'm standing there in my robe......did I miss a chance? or was that a test to see if he could come close to me? I sooooo wanted to touch him and hug him, I didn't, and he disappeared behind the shower curtain.
Just a suggestion...hug might be too much pressure. If he pulls that again, slap him on butt and keep moving. "Whap" and then right out of the room. Don't even wait for his reaction.
but thanks for the encouragement! I'm glad you think my txt mssge wasn't pursuing, I get all gajumbled up sometimes about what is or isn't okay. But I do know one of H's big hangups is that he thinks our physical sex was seldom, and I thought his shower last night was a good time time to remind how Sunday nights used to be so good.......
Couldn't figure out how to contact you off that page, yet. 