Hanging on/The Long Haul

[WCW]

Been in a funk all week, more like weeks. I think I figured it out tonight when I stopped at the store after work to pick up some needed items. I started getting happy! No, NOT because I like to shop - I dislike it greatly, but because I decided that I was going to buy the things that H needs also, not just what I required. I've not been doing that for awhile, trying to do a form of detachment and LRT, but the only one getting miserable was ME. So tonight I picked up his things as well as mine, his favorite soap, deodorant, flavored coffee, etc. As soon as I started doing these little bitty things for my husband, whether he will appreciate them or hasn't even noticed I quit doing them, it makes ME feel better. If he wants to walk away, then he is going to do it while I know that I did whatever I could to make his life happy and pleasant with me. My last thread ended in a funk, but here it is Hanging on the Merry Go Round to remind me of my 'woe is me' attitude.

Now, enough of that! Some other things that I have been changing around here is some of the outside items that I have always done. Like filling the fuel jugs for the farm equipment and the heaters, it all adds up pretty fast this time of year and gets costly. I've done those things for the history of our marriage, this year I just quit doing them and H never asked but finally picked up the jugs and took them to town and filled them. Last night I saw him load the 3 jugs for diesel fuel. The thought in my head was 'that's good, nice he is going to do that', but I didn't say anything to him. After all, he's never thanked me for all the years I did it, all he did was ask if I had done it, or set them out so I wouldn't foret. But I don't have to be like him, I don't have to treat him like he treats me, I can be better than that.

From the last thread said by AZenMaster

Remember your Love Languages? Some people are into physical affection and some are into acts of service. You've said that he is very much into having things under control and you've also said that he might be having some male confidence/MLC kinds of issues. As a guy, I know that there were tough times with my XW where I took solace, and even enjoyment, out of "getting things under control" as a way of expressing love even though I wasn't ready to *say* anything or give a hug or have sex or etc etc etc.

Might be grabbing at straws...I really don't know. But, from my perspective, you *might* be seeing some "acts of service".

I guess that is something that has been mulling around in my head a bit too...what do you think about the possibility that you guys don't share common love languages? I know you've had a bewildering time trying to bring him back to you emotionally. Maybe you aren't pushing the right buttons?

Just something to think about. Perhaps worth playing around with a bit. Then again, it might just be one of those situations where there's not a lot you can do but wait so don't beat yourself up over all of it.

We are different and the same too. We are both physical touch, we used to thrive on it and it is gone now. He loves attention and people making a big deal about him and pumping him up. I do like it if someone does something nice for me, it can make me cry pretty easy. If physical touch is gone, then what I can do is pump him up about how great he is (true, at least he was), and pick out the things he does around the place and say thanks for it.

I got so happy that I wanted to txt or call H and ask when he'd be home tonight so I could have something ready to eat. Friday is THE one night a week we always try to eat together. But I didn't call, yet. And he's not home, yet.

Okay, enough for now, I gotta get busy outside. But I was so excited that I figured this out that I wanted to share this with you and let you know I am climbing back up.