Yeah I do want him to take me seriously. Because that seems to be a problem. I guess he may look at it like she isn't going anywhere. He's maybe just to comfortable?? I guess I was just afraid of making that appointment and him not going or refusing. It don't seem like it would help our marriage unless we both went. I know I could learn things by myself. But if he mever realizes the damage he is contributing then it just seems helpless.
But I guess I could also look at it to that he didn't say no. He just didn't answer. I sometimes wonder what he would say in counseling if anything. This is a very tight lipped subject for him.
You can learn things by going to the C on your own. A good C can give you tools to help you deal with the situation and give you new ideas on how to approach it. You would be surprised at the changes that can occur simply from one person going to counseling.
The way I see it is this...if you keep asking his permission to do things and don't do them if he says nothing...he's not going to take you very seriously, my H didn't. It comes across as though it just couldn't really be THAT important. Know what I mean? Not to mention that if he's not too keen on the idea of counseling, but would go if you pushed the issue, his not answering and you not following through on it....just lets him off the hook.
We, as the person actively trying to fix the sitch, often read too much into someone's lack of response. Instead of reading no response as a "yes", we often take it as a "no", but they didn't say either...so why not assume it means "yes"? In fact, I've read others on here say that if your SO doesn't respond to simply tell them that "ok, by not answering I'm going to take that as a yes." I tried that a few times with my H and it did get a response...you might try that with your guy too. I don't think people expect that a lack of response will be taken as an affirmative answer, they assume it will be received as a no most of the time....so when we say "ok I'll take that as a yes then" you are more likely to receive some type of feedback that might lead to a conversation, at the very least you'll get an answer
True I can learn things on my own and I do think I need that on this point. I guess I just didn't want to come across as trying to control this. I kind of think that might make him more resistant. I just wish he was adult enough to give some input into this. Like maybe he wouldn't be comfortable with a woman because we would be discussing personal issues like his LD. Maybe he would be more comfortable with a woman and not a male counselor. These are just a few things I have tossing around.
But I guess I have to look at it like if he isn't giving me any feedback then I have to figure it out alone and just make the decision and set the appointment.
Exactly. He's already not giving you much to work with, don't expect him to now start communicating to you what he'd prefer with the counseling either Take charge of this.
FWIW....I think just about every one of us HDW's has written a post almost verbatim to what you just wrote about him not giving input. This is where you take the bull by the horns and take charge of your M.
