I wonder if he could be slowly slipping into a mild midlife type of depression. Does he have a lot on self discipline, ambition, drive? It does not sound like it to me. If I had the time to got work out at the gym several times a week, I’d be there. Someone who goes for a few weeks then stops sounds like a person without much purpose or ambition. Also confirms what Honeypot said about him leaving during the summer.
I also get the impression you are the driver in the family, which seems apparent by your training, getting a new job AND trying to keep the house in order, cleaned up, etc. That is very admirable. The problem is that this creates something of a martyr complex in you. If you do all these things because you want to, because you love doing the work, the cleaning, whatever, just for yourself, then his sitting around wouldn’t bother you. But it does and you are growing resentful, right? Don’t do too much on the expectation of receiving gratitude from your H, especially if he feels left behind. In fact, the more you do, the more he feels left behind.
Again, what can you do to empower him, to give him back some control, some purpose? He may have a hard time responding to this, if he is already depressed. It might help if you tell him everything you have stated here. He will understand you weakness, your vulnerability, your need for help.
Some men think they would like to have a “superwoman” for a wife, that is until they really get one. Then they come to fully understand what that means, how that “superwoman” can take over their lives, and they are not so happy about it. But the catch is that for him to feel better, he needs to get off his duff and do something. Right now things are too easy and convenient for him. Why clean the house of anything else if you’ll do it for him? But until he does things for himself, he will stay depressed. Your actions, which you do out of love, are actually undercutting his sense of manhood. So rather than doing something good for him, you are indirectly hurting him. Do you see the cycle?
I am not making excuses for him, because this is also his doing. But I believe this is one of the ways men fall into a midlife crisis. They lose purpose, lose control, don’t help themselves, and then at a certain point they blow up and leave. There are plenty of reasons to pin the blame on you, but ultimately it is their fault. You can stop this before it goes any farther, but I think it could become serious at some point in the future.
