Cally, I don't mean this to come off as harsh but I have a squicky feeling about this friendship. I believe it is dishonest on too many levels.
Let's be honest here. You purposely are cultivating this friendship in the hopes that it will make your H jealous. And it is.
The male friend no doubt sees this as his "in", with you. If the majority of your interactions with the male friend (mf) center around your sex life, then you can bet that it is not a true friendship. It is not a well rounded, balanced friendship. It is a man and woman who are titillating each other with sex talk and then calling it purely platonic.
Additionally, if this is the only way you can get attention from your mate, then why are you holding on to this M?
Do you love your husband?
Could you work towards eliminating your own anger and find some common ground with him...a common place to start this process? As long as you are rabidly angry, he will never be able to step up to the plate. That is human nature and common sense. His departure over the summer should have been a wake up call to the both of you that things cannot continue the way they are.
I sympathize deeply with you, as I am the HDW in my case also. But girl you are playing with fire here, hoping that your husband notices the flames.
Let me close with this: Is there any good that can come out of this? I'd guess that whatever good there might be is far eclipsed by the bad feelings generated between you and H.
