Quote: I am kinda shy about being aggresive sometimes, lol. So hopefully I will not feel that way to question a counselor.
Just bear in mind how much money you will be spending, and that should help you overcome your shyness.
Regarding friendships: I believe men and women can be just friends, if they are really careful to keep good solid boundaries. This is what I mean about how affairs don't "just happen." People stick their toes over the line, and then they move the line and stick their toes over the new line... and soon they are in a motel somewhere and whining, "but I don't know how it happened." Each of those actions was a choice. The way to avoid the affair is never to take the first tiny step.
Some would say the only way to avoid the A is never to have friends of the opposite sex, but I don't think it has to go that far. However, it does mean drawing a line that says, "I will not say or do anything with this other person that I would not say or do if my spouse were sitting right here beside me." People can make these boundaries and they can keep to them. You can play tennis with someone for years, belong to a book club, discuss your work, do stuff with your kids-- all of this with the opposite sex, BUT you must be aware of any change in the climate, any feelers put out by the other person, and signal that you might get. If that happens, you must put a stop to it immediately. I don't mean you call the cops-- I mean you make it clear you will not go there, usually by pointedly ignoring at least the first overture, and dropping the friendship if it doesn't stop. You cannot be naive and pretend you're not noticing.
That this guy will even sit and listen to you talk about your intimate life is a huge red flag. The first time he brought it up, your alarm bells should have gone off, and you should have made it clear you don't discuss that stuff with people. Then you could go on being friends. If he would not honor the boundary, then you probably would need to back way off.
I've been in the situation where I broke up with a guy and stayed friends (not often-- usually I'm Ms. OuttaHere), an later in a new R. The first guy might ask, How are things with you and NewGuy? That's a question I won't answer beyond a generic, fine, busy, his kids keep us running, etc. If he asks again, I will back way off, even not return phone calls and emails. You can control this.
I totally agree with the others that confiding stuff about the intimate relationship between your and your H to this man is absolutely wrong. Even though he's younger (BTW what does that have to do with it?) and you feel no sparks, I agree that this borders on betrayal and infidelity.
How would you feel if your H confided in another woman about your problems?
