"Renters do not being their relationship with fights - they usually begin with mutual sacrifice. They rarely deny each other's requests and they do whatever it takes to make each other happy, even if it makes themselves unhappy. ... As long as both partners are happy, Givers stay in control. But sacrifice usually takes it toll. Since the care they provide for each other is somewhat unpleasant, it never becomes a habit for either of them. Instead, each time they meet each other's needs, they must do it deliberately instead of effortlessly, the way habits are usually performed. That means that their care is inconsistant, taking place only when they are in a good modd and willing to sacrifice for each other. ... A relationship based on sacrifice does not keep partners in a good mood. In fact over time it tends to create a very bad mood between partners. And whenever we are in a bad mood, our Takers come to our rescue. ... Requests that were rarely denied in the beginning of a Renter's relationship start being denied as soon as the effects of their sacrifice sink in. When that happens, the second phase of a Renter's romantic relationship begins - requests that are now denied are turned into demands. ... Demands are usually the first step in an argument. When one partner tells the other what to do, it's because his or her Taker suggests that the demand is reasonable. After all, explains the Taker, your partner owes you what you are demanding. You deserve it. And your partner should provide it, even if it requires sacrifice. ... If you and your partner are Renters, you've probably had lots of arguments. And if you tend to argue with your partner, you must be a Renter. That's because Freeloaders don't even try to accommodate each other, and Buyers would rather negotiate than argue. I'm not saying that Freeloaders and Buyers never argue. But because of their beliefs about relationships, neither feels that an argument is ever appropriate, and that makes their arguments rare. End Quote:
Most people dating fall under the Freeloader status with some Renters mixed in. At some point, (for many at marriage) one partner becomes a buyer. The buyer is at a distinct disadvantage when it comes to rocky relationships, because they *want* things to work out for both partners in a relationship. The Renters and Freeloaders seldom place the relationship/other partner at an equivalent status to which they place themselves. Which leaves the buyer trying desperately to negotiate with partners who don't even agree with the concept. Buyers want a win/win situation.
