Your reply initially made me go WTH? too.

Then some things started making me chuckle.
Your H is not really LD, his arousal at your very presence and brushes is a new clarification--to me, and says a lot I think.

placing his hand on ME is really intelligent. I am too distracted at the moment to figure out why this is less threatening

could it be because it puts him - 'in control' and places the dynamic as it should be with him as the aggressor?
Much like your spooning up to him and pretending to sleep -- assuming the position - is basically making yourself unassertively available? ( LOL memory --I used to say this practically everynight to my x <DEEP joking voice> Assume the position. in reference to spooning, snuggling)



Isnt this a mild way of allowing him to 'play his role'.
Most assuredly it is aggravating to you....I really like Mr. H...

I liked what Corrie said earlier about 'playing' demure, etc. Ideally you will be able to frankly talk about this stuff eventually, and have said that it is much improved already.

FWIW, in retrospect whenever my deceased W would support me through a personal low, ( which means not b!tching, nagging, or 'punishing' ) I would open up more to her afterward, and when she didnt-- I shut her out and closed doors to her quite efficiently. How well in just the areas that were important to her exactly, I am not going to detail.

I bring this up now because your H just went thru a low and you supported, shored up his insecurities and stayed available even though he became unattractive to you and now on the back side he seems to be opening up to you, more so, then ever before.

couple strange questions

How verbal/chatty are you guys during ML? There are some things that can be said, that will be remembered, that would be hard to get out, or believed as truthfully were they said in a logical convo...

How is your pain with IC now? That bit of aggravation existed in my M too, and I am looking back and just now noticing that my deceased W had that whenever I was at a low point and when I was 'on top of life' so to speak it went away.... more of my 'the mans mental state controls the R' musings....

Damn she was an amazing woman/wife... ah well, we all have to live with our choices and free will.


I wanted to say basically to everyone,
I really love this board.
HP your comments to dori about anger and resentment, very nice. I clipped it to my R notes.
Mrs. Nop, your always make a great Pot Roast, I mean, POST but I really liked your posts to ZB the past couple weeks, and lately, the People Pleaser, and NCD.
Of course I always agree with
NOP, except on, sometimes, one thing --the complimenting.. but you are in a succesful M and I am not soooo.... I guess we will let that speak for itself.


I have learned so much here in the past 4 months, from everbody more so then ALL the books I read during my 'going dark' period. Maybe goes hand in hand too...

Anyways they can revoke my membership? muzzle me, and I will still lurk here. Good pep's, great insights, lots of learning by me from the shared experiences.

thanks all