I think that if you add a night of "just grab it" to your encounters here and there, you will find that hubby might be more willing to step up to your frequency needs.
"Just grab it" really removes the pressure issues and uncertainties of foreplay. Fear of foreplay is the second greatest inhibitor of more frequent sex (my opinion). He is wondering how he will be able to be original in his approach, or if he is being boring or if he is measuring up to you needs. If you forgo traditional foreplay and "just grab it" for a more aggressive encounter, you may be pleasantly surprised at his reaction
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
I just grabbed it last night, as a matter of fact.
NOP, you might think this is silly but one of the biggest reasons I don't do it more often is that it makes me feel insecure having to make him hard. Intellectually, it doesn't bother me but, again, in practice I end up questioning whether he's really enjoying it..does he not want me (as I mentally tick off how many minutes it's taking him to become erect, etc). It's crazy. I need to STOP this.
My H becomes hard very easily. For some reason, it takes a while with the JGI. I'm guessing it's because he's thinking, Oh cripes this is the *last* thing I want to do right now. I know that is the most negative spin possible, but I also know that it's mighty close to the truth.
He is unsure of himself during foreplay. Thank you for pointing out why he likes the JGI method. I never thought of it that way.
HP, FWIW, hardness alone is not a quality indicator of desire. There are times when I am hot to go that MrsGGB still has to do some work to get/keep me hard. Many factors go into an E, including physical state as well as mental state. Let's put it this way, how many times have you not been gushing wet at the start of JGI? Unless your mind is there first (and even sometimes when it is), your body and his both may need some revving up to be ready for the big event. Make that revving up fun rather than a chore, and I think a lot of your hang=up about who starts what might dissappear.
I think I'm insecure about it because it is the *only* time he takes a while to get hard. He gets hard from me brushing up against him; he's hard almost every night when I enter our bed.
It's only the JGI times that he has a bit of a problem. (and even then it only takes a couple minutes)
Which leads me to believe that he IS laying there thinking, Man I wish she'd just leave me alone......
And now that I think about it, even if he is thinking this, who cares? He eventually gets into it and we have a grand ol time.
Really, you two are doing great. I'm still working on MrsGGB getting comfortable enough to talk about sex. We've come a huge distance in that respect within the past year, but still not where she'll openly talk about it.
Quote: ---------------------------------------------- Which leads me to believe that he IS laying there thinking, Man I wish she'd just leave me alone...... ----------------------------------------------
Nope.
What he is thinking is "come on hard on". He is feeling performance anxiety. There is a normal physiological time delay between stimulation, brain recognition, and the appropriate deployment of chemicals necessary for the desired result.
With my background, I can basically think "hard on" and get one in 30 seconds or so, but I worked at that for years. It is a real treat for me to be able to get in the bed, and stay soft for a few minutes as we both get turned on as opposed to be coming to bed all wooded up while working on MrsNOP to catch up. We don't do it the same way every night, but the option to be soft for a little while without any time spent in the 'penalty box' is very nice.
We have one little game we play occasionally, and that is to see how fast MrsNOP can get it in her mouth before it gets hard. There have been some good laughs there.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
he's hard almost every night when I enter our bed.
I was going to say
if he already has a hard on when your are in bed, (sounds like he 'initiated' )then all you have to do is spoon up against him, reach back between your legs and JGI, while usind his hard-on to self stimulate your clit, untill you get you aroused and prepped enough. then insert tab a into slot b with your hands, which is something this guy enjoyed my x doing, and WA-LA another smooth segue.
Well off for my excellent dinner, and to sling legal liquid drugs, for another time filling friday night.
I too used to play a game where I would try to keep myself from getting a hard on as long as possible while x was doing the opposite. Try this with your Mr. H. Tell him you are going to give him a huummer but he is supposed to stay soft ALAP. I bet it has the opposite effect on him.
Quote: There is a normal physiological time delay between stimulation, brain recognition, and the appropriate deployment of chemicals necessary for the desired result.
Darn it, how I can relate to what NOP is saying here. I fall into the same catogory in this area too. Although, I think stopwatch or some other minute micrometer would be need to be used to time it. Occasionally, I would really love to just start off with nothing and work up to it slowly together, right along in time with my W, IYKWIM.
That kinda of game the NOP's play would never work for me. I usually have an obvious horizontal appendge by the time I have the bedroom door closed and locked.
"And wrinkles only go where the smiles have been." J. Buffett
Blackie, If he does not want sex, he will not let me touch him, hard or not.
So your idea, while tantalizing, would only work on the nights when he already wanted it.
NOP's idea of placing his hand on ME is really intelligent. I am too distracted at the moment to figure out why this is less threatening--and delve into MrH's thought process--but it is much more successful than chasing him around the bed trying to touch him. And I'm talking about regular ol' touch.
When he doesn't want sex (even though he's hard) he seems to not want to be touched anywhere, lest it lead to nookie.
Howeverrrr, I will give ya this: Many times when he doesn't want sex, I have been able to 'talk him into it' by snuggling up against his hard on and pretending to go to sleep. So your method is close to being operational on an LDH but not quite there yet.
