More on Scheduling

[haphazard]

This is a great thread MrsNOP. Raises a lot of issues that I think we can all relate to

InherJourney Said:

The schedule idea really helped our marriage. Neither one of us is HD enough to be the driving force behind a regular sex life; H tends to follow my lead, and I am inconsistent at best. He feels pressured by me when I am HD and doesn't assert himself when I am LD.

I can really relate to this and I can really see how having a schedule would help, it would keep you on track not let the Higher-D (but not that high) just decide to forget about it and not tackle the issue.

Cemar said:

And another problem I see with scheduled sex, it does not address what happens OUTSIDE the bedroom. This issue is FAR larger then just the sex, its all about ATTITUDE. What about Flirting, Playfulness, Kissing, Cuddling, touching, sexiness. Being LD includes ALL of these issues, it is something that must be addressed 24/7, not once a week on scheduled sex day.

As you say MrsNOP

I flirt with NOP. I kiss him, caress him, grab his crotch, nuzzle his neck, touch him when I walk by, grab hugs, reach for his hand, kiss-lick-suck his penis, make love in various positions, playfully slap his naked butt when he's coming out of the shower. Last night I walked down the hall wiggling my a$$ at him and laughing about "presenting" to him like baboons do in nature. And I enjoy all of the above

I can really relate to LD person enjoying these things MORE when there is a schedule sometimes when I have been feeling LD (post-babies) the idea of getting into the flirty stuff scares me in case it would lead to full-on intercourse. Having a schedule means you can enjoy all that playful stuff in the knowledge that you don’t actually have to perform until sexday (and gradually build yourself into the mood for it!). The LD person can feel SAFER doing all these things when they know it’s only going to lead to the real thing one time a week (or whenever)

SuperDave said:

The reason why frequency is so important is because time builds up a thick thorny forest around the LD and hey, you're no Prince Charming or you wouldn't be stuck in the thorn bushes would you? Frequency breaks down the fear barrier and once sex becomes part of the routine and not some massive point of conflict you can begin to improve quality and hopefully start to enjoy it.

Totally with you there Dave, I think especially for LD women the more often you can do it the more often you can keep her pot boiling. It’s like a pilot light, if you don’t stoke up the boiler often enough the pilot light will go out and we all know how much trouble that is to relight. Up to a point my own drive is very dependent on what I am actually getting, if our SL dwindles to once a month, I kind of stay at that level, if it goes up to once/twice a week then I feel up for it on an even more frequent basis.

In the pre-kids days of our marriage after the first year or two our SL dwindled to about once a week. This was a bit low for my taste but it was a kind of schedule, tended to do it on Sunday mornings, if something happened that meant we couldn’t do it then we both knew we had missed it for the week without really agreeing that this was our schedule it just was. Now we have kids, morning sex is out of the question (sigh) but we have failed to institute a new routine and I think we really need to.

take care all

Fran