You are right, she didn't threaten or anything. She actually very calmly told me that it would be awhile. Is it wrong for me to be scared by the word "awhile?" I know I am looking at the glass half-empty a bit here, but the whole affection thing is very important to me. Otherwise I wouldn't be here. I'm not suggesting at all that she should just get over it, or that I am mad at her for her response. I'm just expressing my fears at this moment. Maybe as the days go by, and we do start to heal, I'll be able to adjust. But uncertainty is a killer, kwim?
I do feel very fortunate in a way that my wife didn't blow up on me, didn't burst into a crying fest all night long, or didn't run to the ILs and tell them everything, all possibilities. And I am VERY grateful that she didn't decide to leave. It was nice to hold my newborn son this morning, and I did think that this might have been taken away from me. I guess I'm just letting the worry of the "creeping death" get to me. You all know what I am talking about. That slow process over time in which you just forget that affection, excitement, passion, intimacy is a possible thing. It happened to me once before and it took an EA to snap me out of it. Can it happen again? I know some of you will think "only if you let it." But can't you see that even due dilligence in watching for it can be a source of terminal frustruation, which can lead to resentment, and the same ultimate result, detachment and possibly abandonment. I know I am really projecting forward here. But I thought it best to get all my thoughts out, even the gloomy ones.
"There is nothing the OW's H can do either, you (IMPO) removed that threat to a degree as well. Sure, OW's H is bound to be really angry with you....wouldn't you be if the tables were turned?"
Well, there is the possibility that even though the W knows I sent emails to OW and expressed deep feelings in those emails, that actually reading the text might make things worse in her mind. But I have made up my mind (and the C suggested this too), I am not going to give in to blackmail. That is what this truly is. I can't live my life in constant fear of something happening. If he does it, he does it, and I will deal with it then. If the tables were turned, I would be angry, absolutely. But I can tell you for sure I would not make such a threat. Maybe it is because I am a conflict avoider. I don't think it is fair for him to try to hurt my wife and children, but I guess anger can make you do or say illogical things.
"YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS!!"
I certainly hope so.
glob
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
