Thanks a bunch for the words of encouragement. Keeping my chin up is hard, but necessary. I need to be more positive, but I also need to realize that you don't change from a guilt-driven, low self-esteem person into a "normal" person just because you want to. It takes time and effort, and if I have strong feelings of guilt or low self-esteem at times, I don't need to feel like I am failing at the task of improving myself.
Just for an example, one of the problems I am really fighting with right now is feelings of personal attractiveness. I believe I have mentioned before that I struggled with feelings of being unattractive in the past, but the EA with OW showed me that wasn't true. But now, I am having this little thoughts percolating through my head that it was somehow all a game and that this was just some attempt by OW to boost her own self-esteem by making me have feelings for her. I know that is a silly, stupid POV, but that is the self-nature I am fighting against. I know that my W's reticence for affection in the coming time will not help defeat that self-image.
I do want to say that if my W had responded in the way your's did, I would have left. It speaks to your strength of character that you stayed. There is no way though I could live in a detached marriage for as long as you did. I know you said that things are better now, but for me to be miserable for that long would have been too damaging to myself and to my children. It would not be fair to them to have to live with me in that state, nor would it actually be fair to my wife. Anyway, I hope it won't come to that with my W, either directly or indirectly (i.e. she holds a silent grudge and makes me pay for it in subtle ways). She hasn't given me any indication as such, but only time will tell. I talked to her yesterday late about trying to go see the MC as soon as possible. She didn't say much, but then again it was a long, hard day for both of us.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
