I’d like to add my support too. Remember that time is the great healer. And my thoughts tend to be in SuperDave’s camp. I do not think you are not entirely responsible for the EA. Your wife did play a role too. There is a lot she could have done to give you more security. She did know who you were and what you were about when she married you. So don’t beat yourself up over this. This is nothing to gain in doing so. If you’ve truly come clean (and you better be sure you have this time, there won’t be another chance!), then there is only one direction to go and that is up.
One bright side to all this is that I recall she seemed to suspect you were not truly sincere in your earlier apology. It turns out she was right. This is her karma. She now got the additional pain she was looking for, so maybe she can put that to rest. Don’t discount her part in this.
But I also see the source of your problems and the solution to all be within you. Your fears led you to doubt your marriage. Your fears led you to fantasize and have the EA. Your fears led you to confess. Your fears kept you from completely confessing. Your fears of the OM led you to complete the confession. You are doing all this to yourself. Stop following your emotions. You are logical, you can think things through if you put yourself to it, but you don’t let yourself do this.
Let some time pass so all this settles down. Let her settle down. She is NOT going anywhere, NO MATTER WHAT YOUR FEARS SAY!!! Stop the fantasizing, in both the positive and negative directions. You are being your own worst enemy.
Sorry if all this doesn't sound too supportive, but I mean it that way.
